The Beatles said " All You Need is Love" and Virgil said, "Love conquers all."
So, it seems as though one would have to believe that if all they need is love in their heart, then that love should be able to conquer all, right?
Just wondering...
See my previous post on "It's never too late for love." http://psychologicalpatriarchy.blogspot.com/2008/05/its-never-too-late-for-love.html
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies... Part IV
In order for a woman to feel secure in and happy about your relationship, she may require constant reassurance and expression of appreciation directed her way.
This is not a bad thing--just a very important thing we men tend to lose sight of.
There's nothing worse than feeling unappreciated or undervalued. This holds true for both men and women, but particularly for women as they tend to be the "givers" in the relationship.
So, Boys, avoid making everything about yourself; extend your life into their world and show interest and consideration. This is not to say there should be a score card in a relationship, but there should be an equal amount of give and take. The net result is a happy woman...and as we all know, there ain't nothin' sexier than that!
This is not a bad thing--just a very important thing we men tend to lose sight of.
There's nothing worse than feeling unappreciated or undervalued. This holds true for both men and women, but particularly for women as they tend to be the "givers" in the relationship.
So, Boys, avoid making everything about yourself; extend your life into their world and show interest and consideration. This is not to say there should be a score card in a relationship, but there should be an equal amount of give and take. The net result is a happy woman...and as we all know, there ain't nothin' sexier than that!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Set Me As a Seal Upon Your Heart
Set Me As a Seal Upon Your Heart (Song of Solomon)
Set me as a seal on your heart. Set me as a seal on your soul. For love is as strong as death, unyielding as the grave. Waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods drown it. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death.
Kiss me, my love, that your name be on my lips. You intoxicate my being with the fragrance of your presence. How beautiful you are, my darling. Show me your face, let me hear your voice. Sweet as the dew in the early morn, like a lily among the thorns.I looked for you, the one my heart loves. I looked for you, but did not find you. I searched through the night until I rested in your sight. Now, I will never let you go. You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey. My hands, they drip with myrrh.
Set me as a seal on your heart. Set me as a seal on your soul. For love is as strong as death, unyielding as the grave. Waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods drown it. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death.
Kiss me, my love, that your name be on my lips. You intoxicate my being with the fragrance of your presence. How beautiful you are, my darling. Show me your face, let me hear your voice. Sweet as the dew in the early morn, like a lily among the thorns.I looked for you, the one my heart loves. I looked for you, but did not find you. I searched through the night until I rested in your sight. Now, I will never let you go. You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey. My hands, they drip with myrrh.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
If I Can't Be Me, Who Should I be?
Who am I? It seems to me we all try to answer this question at some point in our lives--some sooner, others later.
Some people--including myself, often get caught-up in being, or presenting themselves in a manner or light that they assume people want them to be, or in a way they think people want to view them.
Trying to please; Trying to be seen as a good person; Trying to make the best impression possible on the masses--especially those we care about or hold dear.
Is this narcisism at work? If ultimately the goal of trying to portray oneself as an ideal person or a respectable individual to others is to make yourself feel good about who you are, to feel comfortable with your own person, aren't you then feeding your own ego?
I guess it is an unfortunate reality that by trying to present yourself in a positive light in other's eyes, you are actually ---ultimately being self serving.
The lesson?
Don't worry about what other people think of you. Don't focus on trying to portray yourself as a good or ideal person. Just be yourself. Be confident in who you are. You ARE a good person. Accept the fact that regardless of how you act, there are going to be people who dislike you for a variety of reasons--and "so be it" should be your position, because no one person can ever be appreciated or liked by everyone.
Don't feel like you have to be the perfect or ideal person. We all have faults, we all have our unique and sometimes controversial qualities. What we need to come to grips with as people is the fact that most good-hearted people are aware (even if we are not), that we aren't perfect. Most good-hearted people even appreciate us more for being open and admitting that we are fallable and imperfect, because they are too, and as a great friend of mine once told me, "Who wants to be around a perfect person so they can feel inadequate or below par in their presence? Noone. We want to feel like we are on an equal level of imperfection; fallability."
Understanding that is hard, but it is a good thing.
So, if you can't be you....why be?
Some people--including myself, often get caught-up in being, or presenting themselves in a manner or light that they assume people want them to be, or in a way they think people want to view them.
Trying to please; Trying to be seen as a good person; Trying to make the best impression possible on the masses--especially those we care about or hold dear.
Is this narcisism at work? If ultimately the goal of trying to portray oneself as an ideal person or a respectable individual to others is to make yourself feel good about who you are, to feel comfortable with your own person, aren't you then feeding your own ego?
I guess it is an unfortunate reality that by trying to present yourself in a positive light in other's eyes, you are actually ---ultimately being self serving.
The lesson?
Don't worry about what other people think of you. Don't focus on trying to portray yourself as a good or ideal person. Just be yourself. Be confident in who you are. You ARE a good person. Accept the fact that regardless of how you act, there are going to be people who dislike you for a variety of reasons--and "so be it" should be your position, because no one person can ever be appreciated or liked by everyone.
Don't feel like you have to be the perfect or ideal person. We all have faults, we all have our unique and sometimes controversial qualities. What we need to come to grips with as people is the fact that most good-hearted people are aware (even if we are not), that we aren't perfect. Most good-hearted people even appreciate us more for being open and admitting that we are fallable and imperfect, because they are too, and as a great friend of mine once told me, "Who wants to be around a perfect person so they can feel inadequate or below par in their presence? Noone. We want to feel like we are on an equal level of imperfection; fallability."
Understanding that is hard, but it is a good thing.
So, if you can't be you....why be?
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Best Saturday...EVER!!!
C'mon...this would be a fabulous Saturday ....
1) Wake-up at 8:00am
2) Realize that getting out of bed just isn't an option at this point.
3) Snuggle-in and snooze til 10:00am
4) SLOWLY get out of bed.
5) Take the puppy out for a jaunt in the yard
6) Put on some comfy clothes and take a stroll to the local coffee shop (with puppy in tow, of course).
7) Enjoy an apple fritter, maybe some yogurt, and couple cups of latte's whilst perusing the paper.
8) Off to Eastern Market or the like
9) Brunch with friends where plenty of fresh fruit will be consumed--and of course eggs benedict.
10) Off to the dog park for quality time with the pup.
11) Home to work in the garden
12) Off to MD to pick some berries
13) Home to throw a fresh apple crisp in the oven
14) Perhaps a brief late afternoon nap?
15) Then...a progressive dinner: Cocktails, apps, entreé, dessert, and then post dinner cockails--- all at different locations. (Specific dinner details of each to come), but definitely could include endive salad, a scrumptious lamb shank and perhaps even il flottant.
16) Home for fresh apple crisp and some milk while enjoying intimate conversation on the couch in front of a blazing fireplace.
17) Then pack-up, cuz it is off for a relaxing one-night getaway at the local Westin.
18) Snuggle up in a warm "Heavenly Bed" with the pup and a glass o' Pinot. (They're dog friendly!)
19) Nighty night...Sunday is just around the bend, and we start another spectacular leisurely day as we venture out and set-up our tent for a brief one day/night camping excursion before heading back to work---ugh!
Too much for one day you say? ---Naw...
1) Wake-up at 8:00am
2) Realize that getting out of bed just isn't an option at this point.
3) Snuggle-in and snooze til 10:00am
4) SLOWLY get out of bed.
5) Take the puppy out for a jaunt in the yard
6) Put on some comfy clothes and take a stroll to the local coffee shop (with puppy in tow, of course).
7) Enjoy an apple fritter, maybe some yogurt, and couple cups of latte's whilst perusing the paper.
8) Off to Eastern Market or the like
9) Brunch with friends where plenty of fresh fruit will be consumed--and of course eggs benedict.
10) Off to the dog park for quality time with the pup.
11) Home to work in the garden
12) Off to MD to pick some berries
13) Home to throw a fresh apple crisp in the oven
14) Perhaps a brief late afternoon nap?
15) Then...a progressive dinner: Cocktails, apps, entreé, dessert, and then post dinner cockails--- all at different locations. (Specific dinner details of each to come), but definitely could include endive salad, a scrumptious lamb shank and perhaps even il flottant.
16) Home for fresh apple crisp and some milk while enjoying intimate conversation on the couch in front of a blazing fireplace.
17) Then pack-up, cuz it is off for a relaxing one-night getaway at the local Westin.
18) Snuggle up in a warm "Heavenly Bed" with the pup and a glass o' Pinot. (They're dog friendly!)
19) Nighty night...Sunday is just around the bend, and we start another spectacular leisurely day as we venture out and set-up our tent for a brief one day/night camping excursion before heading back to work---ugh!
Too much for one day you say? ---Naw...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Daffodil Principle
I Recently received this as an e-mail forward and thought it was worth posting for others to read. Enjoy....
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
'Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!' My daughter smiled calmly and said, 'We drive in this all the time, Mother.' 'Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!' I assured her. 'But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks,' Carolyn said. 'I'll drive. I'm used to this.'
'Carolyn,' I said sternly, 'Please turn around.' 'It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.' After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, ' Daffodil Garden .' We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like i ts own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
'Who did this?' I asked Carolyn. 'Just one woman,' Carolyn answered. 'She lives on the property. That's her home.' Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. 'Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking', was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. '50,000 bulbs,' it read. The second answer was, 'One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.' The third answer was, 'Began in 1958.' For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world .
'It makes m e sad in a way,' I admitted to Carolyn. 'What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!' My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. 'Start tomorrow,' she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, 'How can I put this to use today?'
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting..... Until your car or home is paid off; Until you get a new car or home; Until your kids leave the house; Until you go back to school; Until you finish school; Until you clean the house; Until you organize the garage; Until you clean off your desk; Until you lose 10 lbs.; Until you gain 10 lbs.; Until you get married; Until you get a divorce; Until you have kids; Until the kids go to school; Until you retire; Until summer; Until spring; Until winter; Until fall; Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, 'Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.' I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead 'I will come next Tuesday', I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
'Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!' My daughter smiled calmly and said, 'We drive in this all the time, Mother.' 'Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!' I assured her. 'But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks,' Carolyn said. 'I'll drive. I'm used to this.'
'Carolyn,' I said sternly, 'Please turn around.' 'It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.' After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, ' Daffodil Garden .' We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like i ts own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
'Who did this?' I asked Carolyn. 'Just one woman,' Carolyn answered. 'She lives on the property. That's her home.' Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. 'Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking', was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. '50,000 bulbs,' it read. The second answer was, 'One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.' The third answer was, 'Began in 1958.' For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world .
'It makes m e sad in a way,' I admitted to Carolyn. 'What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!' My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. 'Start tomorrow,' she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, 'How can I put this to use today?'
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting..... Until your car or home is paid off; Until you get a new car or home; Until your kids leave the house; Until you go back to school; Until you finish school; Until you clean the house; Until you organize the garage; Until you clean off your desk; Until you lose 10 lbs.; Until you gain 10 lbs.; Until you get married; Until you get a divorce; Until you have kids; Until the kids go to school; Until you retire; Until summer; Until spring; Until winter; Until fall; Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
It's never too late for love...
Ancient Roman poet and author Virgil (70 BC - 19 BC) proclaimed that "Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love." While some may disagree that in fact love can conquer all, I am a romantic to the core and will always agree with this sentiment.
One might say "I love you, but I just can't continue in this relationship with you because it hurts too much..." or, "My heart is fighting with my brain. I just love you so much and my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me I should leave." So we are in a pickle. Do we listen to our minds--which we all know can play tricks on us, or do we follow our hearts--which ultimately make us feel alive? We want, we need, we must have love in our hearts to feel alive.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." --Erica Jong
This Jong quote is so true---SO TRUE! If one isn't willing to risk everything, sacrifice everything that makes them happy, and to fight for whatever it is they love, then I return to another quote by Virgil: "Each of us bears his own Hell."
According to every romantic in the world, dead or alive, including modern day singer Nora Jones, if you really love, and you want it bad enough, "It's never too late for love."
I leave you with a final thought: "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." --Henry Drummond
So, if we claim to love, yet are unable to completely surrender to it, perhaps our love isn't love afterall. Personally, I really want to live.
One might say "I love you, but I just can't continue in this relationship with you because it hurts too much..." or, "My heart is fighting with my brain. I just love you so much and my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me I should leave." So we are in a pickle. Do we listen to our minds--which we all know can play tricks on us, or do we follow our hearts--which ultimately make us feel alive? We want, we need, we must have love in our hearts to feel alive.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." --Erica Jong
This Jong quote is so true---SO TRUE! If one isn't willing to risk everything, sacrifice everything that makes them happy, and to fight for whatever it is they love, then I return to another quote by Virgil: "Each of us bears his own Hell."
According to every romantic in the world, dead or alive, including modern day singer Nora Jones, if you really love, and you want it bad enough, "It's never too late for love."
I leave you with a final thought: "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." --Henry Drummond
So, if we claim to love, yet are unable to completely surrender to it, perhaps our love isn't love afterall. Personally, I really want to live.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies... Part III
Women want to feel that they are loved and found attractive-and they want to hear it often.
They want to believe that even if they lose their looks, or gain weight, or change in their old age, that their man will always love them just the same.
Women want to feel secure that when they get older -and god forbid feel less appealing than they did when were young-that their man won't leave them for a younger more appealing version.
This is a genuine and certainly understandable feminine fear. While I wouldn't ever forsee that being possible in my case, I would say that men have similar fears. That they will lose their hair, that they will get a beer gut, that they will no longer feel the love and admiration their wives once held for them,and that those quirks and unique qualities they hold and which their women find endearing will become tiresome later, that somehow they lose the love and respect of their women, and that their women will fly the coupe when times get tough.
So I say, we are in like boats and share similar insecurities. But, if you both remember to show your love like today were the last day, and you do it consistently over the years, I can't forsee that those changes would ever affect your spouse's love and attraction to you. In fact, ideally it should make you even more appreciative endeared and attracted to them.
They want to believe that even if they lose their looks, or gain weight, or change in their old age, that their man will always love them just the same.
Women want to feel secure that when they get older -and god forbid feel less appealing than they did when were young-that their man won't leave them for a younger more appealing version.
This is a genuine and certainly understandable feminine fear. While I wouldn't ever forsee that being possible in my case, I would say that men have similar fears. That they will lose their hair, that they will get a beer gut, that they will no longer feel the love and admiration their wives once held for them,and that those quirks and unique qualities they hold and which their women find endearing will become tiresome later, that somehow they lose the love and respect of their women, and that their women will fly the coupe when times get tough.
So I say, we are in like boats and share similar insecurities. But, if you both remember to show your love like today were the last day, and you do it consistently over the years, I can't forsee that those changes would ever affect your spouse's love and attraction to you. In fact, ideally it should make you even more appreciative endeared and attracted to them.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies... Part II
Women like certainty. Do not be vague with them, uncertainty only causes confusion and thus frustration.
Do your best to be forward and clue them in to how you feel, honestly feel.
Also, this brings an old acronym to mind...DTR=define the relationship. Do not leave them wondering.
Do your best to be forward and clue them in to how you feel, honestly feel.
Also, this brings an old acronym to mind...DTR=define the relationship. Do not leave them wondering.
What's Love Got to Do With It?
Love: What's it's value?
Is everything we do to obtain it, maintain it, nurture it, and retain it worthwhile, or is it just a waste of effort considering its potential loss?
I say indeed it is. The ability to love, truly love someone completely and fully without condition is so powerful--and so rare. But the internal and emotional benefits...well, they cannot be measured. Hopefully we've all experienced the high that comes along with that type of connection at least once in our lives; some of us a few times---though I'm a little skeptical of the genuineness of those who claim to find it so frequently as I believe it is not that easy to come by. Those of us who have experienced it know just how lucky we are. So much so, that even if we've experienced it for even as little as a few weeks or months, that unique feeling will have us addicted to and searching to replicate that feeling endlessly.
Interestingly, some are so affected by its power after having achieved it, they give up. They value it so intensely, they actually lose interest in ever finding it in another person.
Love....
So valuable, so unbelievably intense and beneficial to the soul; yet potentially so destructive. So what's its true value...?
Is everything we do to obtain it, maintain it, nurture it, and retain it worthwhile, or is it just a waste of effort considering its potential loss?
I say indeed it is. The ability to love, truly love someone completely and fully without condition is so powerful--and so rare. But the internal and emotional benefits...well, they cannot be measured. Hopefully we've all experienced the high that comes along with that type of connection at least once in our lives; some of us a few times---though I'm a little skeptical of the genuineness of those who claim to find it so frequently as I believe it is not that easy to come by. Those of us who have experienced it know just how lucky we are. So much so, that even if we've experienced it for even as little as a few weeks or months, that unique feeling will have us addicted to and searching to replicate that feeling endlessly.
Interestingly, some are so affected by its power after having achieved it, they give up. They value it so intensely, they actually lose interest in ever finding it in another person.
Love....
So valuable, so unbelievably intense and beneficial to the soul; yet potentially so destructive. So what's its true value...?
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