Tracks

Lately I have been internally wrestling with the question of what I am supposed to do with my life and how to direct my path, as much as I am capable of doing. I must honestly admit that I have been frustrated for a long time at the seeming lack of direction in my life, even feeling resentful of God that He would not ‘point’ me in a certain direction or send down a vision from Heaven clearly spelling out what my purpose is specifically. But last night I received some interesting insight as I read a book called Let Your Life Speak. It's about listening for the voice of vocation...in it the author was talking about his struggle and frustration in his mid thirties when he was floundering because he still hadn't settled on any one calling or vocation for his life. He had a Ph.D. and had worked in Washington, was very successful, etc etc, but still didn't feel that he was doing what he was meant to do with his life. He talked about going to a community called Pendle Hill – a place where the community was rooted in prayer, study, and a vision of human possibility. He wanted to immurse himself in a setting where he was sure to get some clear direction. He spoke to a wise woman there for guidance and insight, and she said to "have faith, and the way will open." “I have faith,” he thought to himself. "What I don't have is time to wait for 'way' to open. I'm approaching middle age at warp speed and I have yet to find a vocational path that feels right. The only way that's opened so far is the wrong way."

"Well," said the woman (Ruth), "In sixty years plus of living, ‘way’ has never opened in front of me...but a lot of the way has closed behind me, and that's had the same guiding effect." He goes on to say that Ruth's honesty gave him a new way to look at his vocational journey, and his experience has long since confirmed the lesson she taught him that day: that there is as much guidance in what does not and cannot happen in life as there is in what can and does - maybe more.

It is an interesting quality of humankind that when we have a door that closes for us, we often feel resentment, perhaps harboring the feeling that we have somehow been gypped or cheated out of something that was seemingly ‘right’ or intended to be for us. However it may be just as true, as this author points out, that we can take from that experience a sign or means of guidance from what was apparently not meant to be. As creatures who like to get their way – who want what we want and not what we need, this can often be a difficult or unpleasant assignment. But I was relieved in a way to become acquainted with this concept; because the absence of a positive sign or message does not mean the absence of God’s loving and gentle direction…it means that He is teaching us to listen to something larger than ourselves and our ideas. And I think the latter holds much more promise than the former.