Forgiveness: Forgetting, Feeling, or Deciding?

Bellcanto says:
What is the nature of forgiveness and how does one go about implementing it? Is it merely a feeling one develops after time has helped to heal a wound? Is it achieved when enough time goes by and enough water has gone under the bridge that the hurt is forgotten? Or is it a conscious decision to relinquish the right of NOT being hurt, of coming to peace with the fact that you were wronged, but choosing not to hold a grudge against the person or circumstance that harmed you?

D-Llama Says:
Loving someone is the most selfless thing to do. You cannot love, be loved, and love right if you are fearful. Fear often keeps us from trusting and opening-up to people and it makes us act outside our true persons to disguise it, especially if we've been falsely loved and/or rejected before. On those occasions that we do act out, are our acts unforgiveable? Nah...

Forgiveness is also a selfless act and yet, very empowering. Without understanding and forgiveness, we become hardened. The key is to avoid being hardened on the inside because of the fear of being hurt or losing again. Putting up walls to disguise pain or fear of hurt may keep you AND the ones you love from getting what they need out of the relationship and allowing it to grow. The same walls can keep you from truly loving yourself and you'll be consumed with hate. Mistakes teach us to grow and mature in ways that can help strengthen every relationship. That consideration, if not for any other reason, is enough to forgive. Keeping walls up won't allow you to love completely or be completely loved. So if you have loved and lost, or been hurt or deceived, at least keep being honest with and loving yourself and work hard to avoid becoming a mason! As much as we think the best way is to avoid the things that cause us pain, a lifetime of pain and anger seems so unnecessary; so pointless and destructive in the long run.

Terrence Real's philosophy is that healthy relationships require three phases: harmony, disharmony, and restoration. True intimacy is produced through disharmony and the resulting restoration.

The only way healing can truly happen is through forgiveness. Give it a shot.