According to couples therapist Terrence Real, "conventional therapy has failed most couples." The fundamental problem, he argues, is American culture's deeply entrenched "psychological patriarchy," which devalues all things feminine (including healthy relationships) and wounds males at an early age by disconnecting them from themselves and others. Men can't relate, and women can't teach them how. Counseling, too, fails them both in a "collusion of silence" as to what's really wrong. Real's alternative is "relational recovery." Identifying a healthy relationship as one following the repeated pattern of "harmony, disharmony, and restoration," Real details five skills for accomplishing the crucial, ongoing task of repair: holding the relationship in high regard, preserving intimacy and relational (i.e., authentically connected) speaking, listening and negotiating. Accordingly, he teaches couples how to transcend "our culture's anti-relational bias" and move "out of patriarchy into healthy relatedness." Real also acknowledges the failures of traditional counseling and exposes what he believes are unhealthy fundamental American cultural values.
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