Integrity

Merriam Webster defines integrity as: Firm or steadfast adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.

See: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/integrity

QUESTION: If an individual lives according to a personal code of conduct which allows them to believe that deceitful behavior is acceptable under a given set of circumstances, can that person then claim to have integrity even if their moral code is contradictory to widespread or generally accepted values?

Bellcanto says...
As has already been stated, admitting deceit is a difficult thing to do – but having the humility to come clean or be honest about one’s wrongdoing is the key to having a clear conscience (and who doesn’t want that?). Confessing (“acknowledging”) and repenting (“admitting”) your indiscretions or deceit is the first step toward achieving acceptance of one’s self…and oddly enough, others. When we refuse to admit that we’ve wronged someone or are guilty of an offense, we’re only kidding ourselves in thinking that pain, exposure or embarrassment is being avoided. There’s too much to win by letting go of our pride and being ‘real’ about the more unseemly sides of our characters. Perfection is not expected, most everyone seems to believe that. Why then is it so difficult to be honest with others about our flaws? What’s to lose? Are they going to think less of us because we have the strength to admit faults? No, more than that, people tend to only gain respect and admiration for those who display the characteristics of integrity.We would do ourselves such services by freeing our minds and souls of the burden of guilt. Knowing that we are honest with others and ourselves is an incredibly empowering feeling, and it frees us up to be all that we were meant to be: whole beings, liberated from the fracturing and clouding effects of guilt, shame, and inward disgrace.

D-Llama says:
A lie, is a lie, is a lie. We are taught during our adolescent years that deceptive behavior is bad--even when those we are deceiving aren't aware of our untruths or deceptive actions. For a person to justify their behavior to themselves as acceptable simply because others are unaware of it, doesn't make it right. Right? We are also taught that a little white lie--regardless of innocence of your intent-- is still a lie. Little white lies eventually evolve into more lies, and even more, until it isn't such a litte white lie any longer, and eventually we get so caught-up in our deceit that we begin to believe those lies regardless of how blatantly obvious they are.

It is easy to make excuses for this type of behavior to justify one's actions. Eg? "I only did it because this," or, "I only said it because that..." Integrity is complimented by sincerity, forthrightness, and honesty. Those who are able to admit their wrongs and genuinely apologize certainly rate pretty high in my book than someone who sticks to their "personal code" which lies outside of the norm.

While it is certainly wrong, what drives us to lie and deceive others is insignificant. How we resolve those indiscretions is far more important. So...how does one appropriately rectify their behavior? While an admission and apology to those affected may not offer an immediate resolution or forgiveness, it is certainly the best way of righting one's wrongs and moving forward in a more respectable way. I'm not an Angel. I've lied. I've hurt people with various means of deceit. Having said that, admission of guilt is definitely a hard thing to confront--and it is certainly embarrassing to acknowledge, but, it is also remarkably powerful to disclose your indiscretions and take full ownership of them. There's no question that we have fear of said embarrassment, or hurting or losing the love or friendship of those we have deceived, but ultimately, it is the healthier, more respectable path. In the end, your acknowledgement of wrongdoing and subsequent apology may not be accepted, but it is definitely easier on the soul than continuing a charade.

For those who choose not to forgive indiscretions, I say, "Are you so perfect? Haven't you ever deceived anyone?" ---Of course they have, we all have. Forgiveness is a sign of growth. And since we are all fallible, there's plenty of growin' left to be done by each and every one of us. Noone says forgiveness=forget, but considering the alternative of lingering bitterness, I say, make-a-mends and move on. Life is definitely too short to hold-on to grudges.