Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Home is Where the Heart Is...
Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.
~Frederick W. Robertson
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Loving Christmas
Sometimes the holidays provide the ingredients for a perfect storm of stress, family problems, pressure to do, do, do, a tendency to be excessive (in expenses, food, etc), and anxiety. Instead of being the 'most wonderful time of the year,' it can quickly become the worst and most dreaded time of the year. But we don't have to succumb to inner strife and outward distress this season if we can keep things in perspective...afterall, what is the reason for Christmas? It is so much more than a holiday for children, indeed, the holiday should be about contemplating God's love for us and the incredible way in which life as we know it was changed the night His Son was born. Christmas is about love - God's incredible love for us and what Jesus' entry on this earth meant for all mankind. In his, "The Purpose of Christmas," Rick Warren says, "That's what God did at Christmas...There is nothing you can do that will make God stop loving you. You could try, but you'd fail - because God's love for you is based on His character, not your conduct. It's based on who He is, not what you've done. The Bible says, "Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love."'
The following verse has lately been a source of great comfort to me, and it has become my token verse for the Christmas season...
Zephaniah 3:17(NIV) The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
The following passage is from a blogger Matthew MacDonald...
'When I was just a little boy, I can remember that feeling I had when I was in my dad’s arms. For me, it was the safest place of all. I remember, with great fondness, looking up at his face, as he smiled down towards me. Even now as I close my eyes, I can almost picture my dad looking at me, and smiling over me. In those moments that I spent in his arms, he would sing over me. His words were so soothing to me. They brought me peace. He would take great delight in me. He always told me that he loved me. When I was afraid or even a little scared, he would quiet me with his love. He would say, “Son, I love you, your daddy is here. Everything is going to be all right now. Daddy’s here just for you.” There were days when his touch upon my head made me smile, because I knew that he was there watching over; encouraging me, and rejoicing over me, telling me how happy I made him feel just because I was his son.
My father past away a number of years ago now. There have been days that I’ve wished I could have turned back the clock, just to tell my dad one more time that I love him. I really do miss my dad. On the day that he past away, this verse of scripture came into my heart: Psalm 68:5(NIV), “A father to the fatherless”.
My ABBA Father in heaven says to me, in Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV), “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”
My friend, my heavenly ABBA Father, is watching over me. He calls me His treasured possession, the apple of His eye. There have been times when I have felt as if His hand is upon my head, letting me know that He is watching over me. To be in the loving arms of my ABBA Father is safest place of all. He takes great delight in me, just because I am His son. When I feel afraid or even a little scared, He quiets me with His love. He says to me, “Everything is going to be alright. Your ABBA Father is here just for you.” His words are so soothing to me. They bring me peace. He rejoices over me by singing songs of His never-ending love for me. ABBA Father, “I love you.”'
My friend, my heavenly ABBA Father, is watching over me. He calls me His treasured possession, the apple of His eye. There have been times when I have felt as if His hand is upon my head, letting me know that He is watching over me. To be in the loving arms of my ABBA Father is safest place of all. He takes great delight in me, just because I am His son. When I feel afraid or even a little scared, He quiets me with His love. He says to me, “Everything is going to be alright. Your ABBA Father is here just for you.” His words are so soothing to me. They bring me peace. He rejoices over me by singing songs of His never-ending love for me. ABBA Father, “I love you.”'
May He quiet you with His love this Christmas. :)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day 2008; A New Restoration?
Today is election day. I'll let the pundits and everyone else tell you why they think it is such an historic day in American History. For me, it is very telling about the direction of our country. Will we continue forward on this downward moral spiral? Or will we be uplifted and return to our core values that originally shaped American society?
Last night I had an opportunity to reflect upon both candidates. The blatant dishonesty, deceptive politics, lack of integrity, and obvious avoidance of all things relevant in the Obama campaign reminded me of a paper I once wrote while a Freshman in college. It reminded me how we as a country are spiraling down hill and out of control. It reminded me that the American electorate is so blinded by race and being part of something that may be percieved as cool, regardless of how rediculous Obama's entire campaign is. They've forgotten how important respect, honor, integrity, truth, and decency is and instead have foregone all those core principles to vote for a man who holds none of them, simply because it is the in thing to do.
Below is that very paper. I will say ahead of time that its contents may be a bit disjointed, and even controversial to some, but I will preface it by saying that while I truly believe in the core concept of the paper, there are some statements I had written at the time that may not necessarily still hold true today, or that I necessarily believe in---after all, I am 10 years older...and wiser, the world has changed drammatically, and, well, I was trying to be combative with my professor. ---ALWAYS the rebel!!! I also realize that these views are likely attributable to a Midwestern-style upbringing and may be completely irrelevant to everyone else.
Enjoy!
----------
The tale of how as a boy, George Washington confessed that he cut down the cherry tree, is the prototypal lesson in truth, honor, and the "American Way." Annexed with truth, there is plenty to be said in referenceto the good manners and social decorum that were so prevalent in the earlier America; common values made the world a friendlier and more appreciated atmosphere for all of us. If the father of this grand country would not lie even to avoid punishment, one would expect that his progency would be influenced by his example. But, that is not the case. In fact, the negative deviance in today's society has transformed our culture into that of self-absorbed, ill-mannered, and scheming individuals.
When paying for gasoline at a convenience store, I generally receive an effortless "Thank you, have a nice day!" But is the clerk genuinely bestowing upon me his warmest wishes and interest in my life, or is this what he is required to say to maintain a false sense of a friendly and appreciative environment? I linger and listen to two more customers...same exact non-enthusiastic response to them after their transaction!
Individuals seem to be afraid to contribute to a legitimate, meaningful conversation on a personal level nowadays. In the past, everybody knew everyone else's business, not necessarily because they were prying, but because people actually had meaningful dialogue in their conversations and everyday interactions.
There's nothing wrong with taking a little extra time out of one's day to genuinely be interested in one another, nothing wrong with some simple courtesy towards others -- yet it has been lost. The automatic "have a nice day," apparently represents the present day view of courtesy. Rather than the modern command of wishing someone a nice day, the common courtesies and genuine appreciation of the past actually made it a nice day. Like when the hardware store owner gave you a treat to take home to your dog, or when a general store owner told you to take a lollypop home for the children---that made it a nice day!
Americans used to be be concerned with wealth, display of oneself and family, status, and particularly everyday manners. There was a correct way of doing everything. From eating, dressing, talking, dancing, and courting, to respectfully talking with someone. The correct way was very likely to be complicated, unnatural, and inconvenient (Schlesinger 186). However, it helped create a quality society in America where common values were the cornerstone of good behavior and the essence of our nation. Americans, I believe, have lost all concern for these values. It is, without question, in part due to the loss of the necessary maternal role model involved in the crucial upbringing stage of adolescence. Social necessities that are taught early in life are less strenuous that those attained in later stages.
It is apparent to me that the concerns and practices of early Americans have all but vanished. The actual practice of being courteous and being well-mannered has somehow escaped our culture, and the feminist movement, or "liberation" of women has played an essential role in this tremendous and regretful shift of cultural norms. It seems quite necessary to restore and maintain a feminine-led household in order to restore the early American traditions which allowed society to live in harmony.
Women are the civilizing influences in this society. By nature, they are more virtuous and, therefore, are better equipped and able to maintain a moral and well-mannered family. We must reinstate the woman's influence back into the household environment for leadership, reasoning, and a sense of what's right and wrong. A reinvigorated emphasis on family values within every home will eventually get us back on track and pay dividends to our declining society as a whole, and perhaps even lead to the abolishment of our expanding progressive culture of immorality.
In the 1800's, the true Victorian woman required: purity piousness, submissiveness, and domesticality. Respectability for a woman meant she would stay at home, be a mother, establish a herself as a role model for manners and courtesy, get involved in church work, women's clubs, or a reform movement like temperence (Thornstein 192). Women were expected to carry the burden of translating income into comfort, decorum, and elegance in the home. Women always presented themselves to the world as models of purity and innocence, as they were precious to the success of the family. Their appearance, properness, and homes brought about respect to the family name. In truth, women defined the family.
Contemporary women, on the other hand, do not tend to respect themselves, their homes, appearance, or the opinions of society as their predecessors did, and therefore decline the respect of the family name. Modern women have denounced their character of manners, etiquette, and respectability to ensure the world that they are their own "individual," and will not be characterized as suppressed under a man. They now feel their place in the family should not necessarily be confined to the home and its maintenance. They now feel as though they need something different, something that is uniquely theirs away from the home. Suppression of women should not be the man's objective, nor should women believe that is the male's intent. Respect of them and what they offer within the family circle should be pointed out as unique to them and glorified.
Subconsiously, the American male has rebelled against the modern woman. in the 1800's, men were sincere and willing to treat a woman as a gemstone. He would court her, offer her the inside of the sidewalk to protect her from runaway carriages, hold the door for her, offer her his seat, stand up when she entered as well and departed, and doffed his cap when speaking to her. He was not crude in her presence, and she refrained from vulgarities as well. This was out of mutual respect. Man wore coat and tie, and women wore hats and gloves. These customs were bestowed upon a man out of respect of oneself and his beautiful wife. How he presented himself only added to her beauty and their respectability.
However, since the advancement of the feminist movement, these customs and common courtesies have all but vanished. This is due in part to a man feeling respect and faith in him has been lost by the female as she now wishes to be referred to as his "equal," rather than his partner in the grander scheme of things. What is not equal about her running the home while he earns money to do so? Her investment within the home and with the proper rearing of their children is certainly equal to--if not more--than the income he brings home. The only difference is that he leaves home to go to work.
In response to the newly acquired ideals of the liberal woman, men have lost a great amount of respect for their wants and expectations. The view of the modern man is that if she is my equal, she can open her own door as I would, she can carry that heavy box as I would, and she can stand on the bus while I relax on this nice comfortable seat and read the paper. Liberation is an absolute, right? It is equality amongst individuals. And, in a stubborn man's mind, equality is all or nothing. But women don't want to give up the benefits of being a woman. they want their cake and eat it too. They want to be treated equal to a man, but yet, they don't want to lose their feminity nor the man's willingness to treat them in a special way that suggests they indeed are not equal.
As President George Bush once said, we need to return to "kinder, gentler days." Men need to offer our arms to women, and offer genuine help. Not to gain something from them, but out of respect for them. Women are precious, and the good ones are few. We--both men and children--desparately need them and their intuity to influence our respectability. We need them to influence the upbringing of future generations, so that we may return to a more respectable society. A woman's influence directs societies ideals of being proper, and this same idealism needs to be instilled in our youth.
One must conclude that the liberation of women has indeed affected society's moral standards and our children's upbringing. Women can be equal in the home. Home is where they are most needed and the outcome of this world truly depends on them. Their contributions to the home, family, and society as a whole are unequalled in the working world and they should be proud that their influence in the home has such a tremendous affect on society and how it works together.
If women reestablish faith faith in the male and teach them, in addition to our children, how to once again be courteous and well-mannered, nothing but a positive outcome for society can be expected.
Last night I had an opportunity to reflect upon both candidates. The blatant dishonesty, deceptive politics, lack of integrity, and obvious avoidance of all things relevant in the Obama campaign reminded me of a paper I once wrote while a Freshman in college. It reminded me how we as a country are spiraling down hill and out of control. It reminded me that the American electorate is so blinded by race and being part of something that may be percieved as cool, regardless of how rediculous Obama's entire campaign is. They've forgotten how important respect, honor, integrity, truth, and decency is and instead have foregone all those core principles to vote for a man who holds none of them, simply because it is the in thing to do.
Below is that very paper. I will say ahead of time that its contents may be a bit disjointed, and even controversial to some, but I will preface it by saying that while I truly believe in the core concept of the paper, there are some statements I had written at the time that may not necessarily still hold true today, or that I necessarily believe in---after all, I am 10 years older...and wiser, the world has changed drammatically, and, well, I was trying to be combative with my professor. ---ALWAYS the rebel!!! I also realize that these views are likely attributable to a Midwestern-style upbringing and may be completely irrelevant to everyone else.
Enjoy!
----------
The tale of how as a boy, George Washington confessed that he cut down the cherry tree, is the prototypal lesson in truth, honor, and the "American Way." Annexed with truth, there is plenty to be said in referenceto the good manners and social decorum that were so prevalent in the earlier America; common values made the world a friendlier and more appreciated atmosphere for all of us. If the father of this grand country would not lie even to avoid punishment, one would expect that his progency would be influenced by his example. But, that is not the case. In fact, the negative deviance in today's society has transformed our culture into that of self-absorbed, ill-mannered, and scheming individuals.
When paying for gasoline at a convenience store, I generally receive an effortless "Thank you, have a nice day!" But is the clerk genuinely bestowing upon me his warmest wishes and interest in my life, or is this what he is required to say to maintain a false sense of a friendly and appreciative environment? I linger and listen to two more customers...same exact non-enthusiastic response to them after their transaction!
Individuals seem to be afraid to contribute to a legitimate, meaningful conversation on a personal level nowadays. In the past, everybody knew everyone else's business, not necessarily because they were prying, but because people actually had meaningful dialogue in their conversations and everyday interactions.
There's nothing wrong with taking a little extra time out of one's day to genuinely be interested in one another, nothing wrong with some simple courtesy towards others -- yet it has been lost. The automatic "have a nice day," apparently represents the present day view of courtesy. Rather than the modern command of wishing someone a nice day, the common courtesies and genuine appreciation of the past actually made it a nice day. Like when the hardware store owner gave you a treat to take home to your dog, or when a general store owner told you to take a lollypop home for the children---that made it a nice day!
Americans used to be be concerned with wealth, display of oneself and family, status, and particularly everyday manners. There was a correct way of doing everything. From eating, dressing, talking, dancing, and courting, to respectfully talking with someone. The correct way was very likely to be complicated, unnatural, and inconvenient (Schlesinger 186). However, it helped create a quality society in America where common values were the cornerstone of good behavior and the essence of our nation. Americans, I believe, have lost all concern for these values. It is, without question, in part due to the loss of the necessary maternal role model involved in the crucial upbringing stage of adolescence. Social necessities that are taught early in life are less strenuous that those attained in later stages.
It is apparent to me that the concerns and practices of early Americans have all but vanished. The actual practice of being courteous and being well-mannered has somehow escaped our culture, and the feminist movement, or "liberation" of women has played an essential role in this tremendous and regretful shift of cultural norms. It seems quite necessary to restore and maintain a feminine-led household in order to restore the early American traditions which allowed society to live in harmony.
Women are the civilizing influences in this society. By nature, they are more virtuous and, therefore, are better equipped and able to maintain a moral and well-mannered family. We must reinstate the woman's influence back into the household environment for leadership, reasoning, and a sense of what's right and wrong. A reinvigorated emphasis on family values within every home will eventually get us back on track and pay dividends to our declining society as a whole, and perhaps even lead to the abolishment of our expanding progressive culture of immorality.
In the 1800's, the true Victorian woman required: purity piousness, submissiveness, and domesticality. Respectability for a woman meant she would stay at home, be a mother, establish a herself as a role model for manners and courtesy, get involved in church work, women's clubs, or a reform movement like temperence (Thornstein 192). Women were expected to carry the burden of translating income into comfort, decorum, and elegance in the home. Women always presented themselves to the world as models of purity and innocence, as they were precious to the success of the family. Their appearance, properness, and homes brought about respect to the family name. In truth, women defined the family.
Contemporary women, on the other hand, do not tend to respect themselves, their homes, appearance, or the opinions of society as their predecessors did, and therefore decline the respect of the family name. Modern women have denounced their character of manners, etiquette, and respectability to ensure the world that they are their own "individual," and will not be characterized as suppressed under a man. They now feel their place in the family should not necessarily be confined to the home and its maintenance. They now feel as though they need something different, something that is uniquely theirs away from the home. Suppression of women should not be the man's objective, nor should women believe that is the male's intent. Respect of them and what they offer within the family circle should be pointed out as unique to them and glorified.
Subconsiously, the American male has rebelled against the modern woman. in the 1800's, men were sincere and willing to treat a woman as a gemstone. He would court her, offer her the inside of the sidewalk to protect her from runaway carriages, hold the door for her, offer her his seat, stand up when she entered as well and departed, and doffed his cap when speaking to her. He was not crude in her presence, and she refrained from vulgarities as well. This was out of mutual respect. Man wore coat and tie, and women wore hats and gloves. These customs were bestowed upon a man out of respect of oneself and his beautiful wife. How he presented himself only added to her beauty and their respectability.
However, since the advancement of the feminist movement, these customs and common courtesies have all but vanished. This is due in part to a man feeling respect and faith in him has been lost by the female as she now wishes to be referred to as his "equal," rather than his partner in the grander scheme of things. What is not equal about her running the home while he earns money to do so? Her investment within the home and with the proper rearing of their children is certainly equal to--if not more--than the income he brings home. The only difference is that he leaves home to go to work.
In response to the newly acquired ideals of the liberal woman, men have lost a great amount of respect for their wants and expectations. The view of the modern man is that if she is my equal, she can open her own door as I would, she can carry that heavy box as I would, and she can stand on the bus while I relax on this nice comfortable seat and read the paper. Liberation is an absolute, right? It is equality amongst individuals. And, in a stubborn man's mind, equality is all or nothing. But women don't want to give up the benefits of being a woman. they want their cake and eat it too. They want to be treated equal to a man, but yet, they don't want to lose their feminity nor the man's willingness to treat them in a special way that suggests they indeed are not equal.
As President George Bush once said, we need to return to "kinder, gentler days." Men need to offer our arms to women, and offer genuine help. Not to gain something from them, but out of respect for them. Women are precious, and the good ones are few. We--both men and children--desparately need them and their intuity to influence our respectability. We need them to influence the upbringing of future generations, so that we may return to a more respectable society. A woman's influence directs societies ideals of being proper, and this same idealism needs to be instilled in our youth.
One must conclude that the liberation of women has indeed affected society's moral standards and our children's upbringing. Women can be equal in the home. Home is where they are most needed and the outcome of this world truly depends on them. Their contributions to the home, family, and society as a whole are unequalled in the working world and they should be proud that their influence in the home has such a tremendous affect on society and how it works together.
If women reestablish faith faith in the male and teach them, in addition to our children, how to once again be courteous and well-mannered, nothing but a positive outcome for society can be expected.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Response III to Anthropomorphism Question
No one has said that it is not noticeable how much personality and character pets have – we usual choose or bring one home based upon their individual characteristics that endear us to them. Yes, they do have a memory, or else training would be useless at all. Our dog Daisy is a little love-hog herself – she is manipulative, sneaky, dramatic, feisty, stubborn and even smiles when she’s happy. She is a very loyal dog and loves nothing more than to be close, have her belly scratched, or curl up in your lap. My question is whether animals have any real cognitive ability to “think”, recall any length of time, or experience heightened thought processes.
Their ‘love’ is based on an animalistic level – humans feed them, house them and provide company for them. Their loyalty is based upon their dependence of you – not that there is anything wrong with that. But unlike a human – who must love even when they are not being served, and who love on a higher, more complex and meaningful level – a dog/cat ‘loves’ the hand that feeds him/her and that is the basis for their devotion. Dogs at least are very sociable animals, and thus they enjoy attention and interaction with other humans and dogs.
I think we must be careful with the term ‘emotion’ when linked to animals for this term usually involves the soul as well. My belief is that God created humans in the “image of God” and thus with a soul; while animals are very wonderful things and to be enjoyed and protected by humans, I do not think they are existentially on the same level and thus cannot be fairly compared to them. Limited emotion in a human means that he/she is not living to their full potential…it is something that may be worked out through therapy, love, education and effort. Animals are limited simply because they are completely different creatures.
Their ‘love’ is based on an animalistic level – humans feed them, house them and provide company for them. Their loyalty is based upon their dependence of you – not that there is anything wrong with that. But unlike a human – who must love even when they are not being served, and who love on a higher, more complex and meaningful level – a dog/cat ‘loves’ the hand that feeds him/her and that is the basis for their devotion. Dogs at least are very sociable animals, and thus they enjoy attention and interaction with other humans and dogs.
I think we must be careful with the term ‘emotion’ when linked to animals for this term usually involves the soul as well. My belief is that God created humans in the “image of God” and thus with a soul; while animals are very wonderful things and to be enjoyed and protected by humans, I do not think they are existentially on the same level and thus cannot be fairly compared to them. Limited emotion in a human means that he/she is not living to their full potential…it is something that may be worked out through therapy, love, education and effort. Animals are limited simply because they are completely different creatures.
Response II to Anthropomorphism Question
I've been lectured to extensively on the limited memory of canines and their inability to recall given circumstances--such as urinating on the carpet.
I've been told that efforts to scold a dog for the release of its bladder is pointless--particularly if it doesn't occur immediately after the incident as they would not recognize their wrong-doing.
Personally, I do not believe this is true. Nor do I believe that they cannot experience similar emotions to that of man--though obviously not to the same extent.
Dog-lovers and cat-lovers alike appreciate their pets for the perceived emotion that we believe they translate. How many time have you heard about how much character a pet has, or how embarrassed they were after being scolded, or how sad they get when left alone? Are we imagining that emotion, or is it real? If you've ever bonded with a canine, lived with them and looked tehm in the eyes on a daily basis as you would your child, there is no question they experience emotion.
If one is going to argue that a canine has neither emotion nor memory of any substance, why then do we see animals get excited upon our arrival at home? Why then do they jump on us and lick our face? ---because they love us and are happy to see us! Why and how could they do this, if they have no memory or ability to express emotion? How then do they differentiate their owners from strangers or right from wrong?
To argue that a canine has no memory about urinating on the rug just 30 mins. ago, yet at the same time also acknowledge their ability to recognize and recall people seems a bit contradictory to me. What does the process we use in training our pets implement? Memory training, right? Much like in the rearing of our children. So how then can we say they have limited or no memory? How then can we lose our dogs for a month, then be reuinited with them and have immediate recollection of who you are? How then can a cat be completely removed from its environment yet find its way back?
Animals have a significant ability to remember as well as display emotion. Is it limited? Yes, but the levels of memory and emotion can and is limited in humans too!
To claim these attributes as non-existence in house pets seems a bit rediculous to me...
Response to Anthropomorphism Question
I’m sure you can guess what I think…that animals aren’t capable of higher thought. However, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t sensitive to pain, pleasure, fear or security.
I do think that Darwin’s speculation that “dogs in their old age might remember a particularly pleasurable chase and reflect on it. Or that a group of cows might just feel the loss of a herd member” is highly unlikely; every dog or horse trainer will tell you that when punishing after the animal acts out, you must swat or scold within three seconds of what occurred – otherwise they won’t remember and won’t understand why they’re being punished. As the article stated, even science says that they’re unable to think on a deep level and reminisce or recall something from the past. I think animals may have ‘emotions’ on their own level – such as horses getting depressed when isolated, etc. – but I don’t think they translate to the level of human emotion.
Bellcanto
I do think that Darwin’s speculation that “dogs in their old age might remember a particularly pleasurable chase and reflect on it. Or that a group of cows might just feel the loss of a herd member” is highly unlikely; every dog or horse trainer will tell you that when punishing after the animal acts out, you must swat or scold within three seconds of what occurred – otherwise they won’t remember and won’t understand why they’re being punished. As the article stated, even science says that they’re unable to think on a deep level and reminisce or recall something from the past. I think animals may have ‘emotions’ on their own level – such as horses getting depressed when isolated, etc. – but I don’t think they translate to the level of human emotion.
Bellcanto
Anthropomorphism: Are animal emotions valid or not?
October 24, 2008 by oregonsunshine
In the past, I’ve been an In-home Basic Obedience Instructor. I taught people to train their dogs. In the past year, I’ve been working towards getting my Certified Pet Dog Trainer certificate through the Association of Pet Dog Trainers. This has involved a reading list that seems to grow and change every year. The focus of the APDT is on positive training methods, which I agree with for the most part.
However, there is one subject that seems taboo amongst all the animal training and animal science community. Anthropomorphism.
American Heritage Dictionary defines this as:
an·thro·po·mor·phism (ān’thrə-pə-môr’fĭz’əm) n. Attribution of human motivation, characteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals, or natural phenomena.
Do animals experience emotions like we humans do? Are animals capable of feeling love, loss, happiness and a myriad of other emotions? Or are we humans just trying to delegate our own emotions to other creatures? And if so, why?
It’s not unusual for a trainer to hear that an owner can’t get Little Fluffykins to do such-and-such because it hurts Little Fluffykin’s feelings or Mr. Twinkles peed on it’s owner’s brand new comforter out of anger at being left home alone all day. Or that Lightening the horse didn’t perform well at a show today because he was unhappy that his owner forgot his favorite treats or didn’t scratch him in the right spots, or whatever the magic button might have been.
It’s also not unusual for a pet owner to say that their pet loves them. Haven’t we all heard that Brutus loves his person? Is this really prescribing human emotions to our pets? Or are they capable of displaying emotions of love on their own?
So far, scientists from the animal community say that these things are simply not true. Animals don’t display emotions like people do. That Mr. Twinkles isn’t capable of enough higher thought to say “I’m going to pee on your comforter because you did ‘x’ and I’m mad at you”. Science explains the behavior as a dominance issue and that Mr. Twinkles is trying to say he’s top dog (or cat). And that Brutus isn’t really showing love to his owner, just that he is attempting to seek attention.
And then you have your extremes. The owner who swears that Mr. Twinkles was mad at her and that’s why it happened. And the trainers and behaviorists who say that animals don’t feel emotions, that people are the ones putting whatever emotion they are feeling off onto their animal.
How many of you have gone to the zoo and witness what appeared to be sad animals? The big cats that pace and pace? The orangutans that seem to be withdrawn and dejected? The ravens that are constantly searching for a way out? Are they or are they not experiencing real emotions?
In his book The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals, Charles Darwin speculated that dogs in their old age might remember a particularly pleasurable chase and reflect on it. Or that a group of cows might just feel the loss of a herd member.
Jane Goodall was criticized for using human-like terms to describe chimps. She used the words “childhood”, “excitement”, “motivation” and “mood”. And as she says, “Even worse was my crime of suggesting that chimpanzees had ‘personalities’. I was ascribing human characteristics to nonhuman animals and was thus guilty of the worst of ethological sins-anthropomorphism.” None of these thoughts were popular. They still aren’t popular with the scientific community today.
To some extent, humanizing an animal is still considered a great insult to mankind. Humans are at the top of the food chain. Religion and science say that humans are the only species capable of higher thought. But is that really true? How much do we really know about all the forms of animal communication and how the animal brain(s) work?
Do animals really feel such emotions as love? Why or why not?
What do you think?
In the past, I’ve been an In-home Basic Obedience Instructor. I taught people to train their dogs. In the past year, I’ve been working towards getting my Certified Pet Dog Trainer certificate through the Association of Pet Dog Trainers. This has involved a reading list that seems to grow and change every year. The focus of the APDT is on positive training methods, which I agree with for the most part.
However, there is one subject that seems taboo amongst all the animal training and animal science community. Anthropomorphism.
American Heritage Dictionary defines this as:
an·thro·po·mor·phism (ān’thrə-pə-môr’fĭz’əm) n. Attribution of human motivation, characteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals, or natural phenomena.
Do animals experience emotions like we humans do? Are animals capable of feeling love, loss, happiness and a myriad of other emotions? Or are we humans just trying to delegate our own emotions to other creatures? And if so, why?
It’s not unusual for a trainer to hear that an owner can’t get Little Fluffykins to do such-and-such because it hurts Little Fluffykin’s feelings or Mr. Twinkles peed on it’s owner’s brand new comforter out of anger at being left home alone all day. Or that Lightening the horse didn’t perform well at a show today because he was unhappy that his owner forgot his favorite treats or didn’t scratch him in the right spots, or whatever the magic button might have been.
It’s also not unusual for a pet owner to say that their pet loves them. Haven’t we all heard that Brutus loves his person? Is this really prescribing human emotions to our pets? Or are they capable of displaying emotions of love on their own?
So far, scientists from the animal community say that these things are simply not true. Animals don’t display emotions like people do. That Mr. Twinkles isn’t capable of enough higher thought to say “I’m going to pee on your comforter because you did ‘x’ and I’m mad at you”. Science explains the behavior as a dominance issue and that Mr. Twinkles is trying to say he’s top dog (or cat). And that Brutus isn’t really showing love to his owner, just that he is attempting to seek attention.
And then you have your extremes. The owner who swears that Mr. Twinkles was mad at her and that’s why it happened. And the trainers and behaviorists who say that animals don’t feel emotions, that people are the ones putting whatever emotion they are feeling off onto their animal.
How many of you have gone to the zoo and witness what appeared to be sad animals? The big cats that pace and pace? The orangutans that seem to be withdrawn and dejected? The ravens that are constantly searching for a way out? Are they or are they not experiencing real emotions?
In his book The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals, Charles Darwin speculated that dogs in their old age might remember a particularly pleasurable chase and reflect on it. Or that a group of cows might just feel the loss of a herd member.
Jane Goodall was criticized for using human-like terms to describe chimps. She used the words “childhood”, “excitement”, “motivation” and “mood”. And as she says, “Even worse was my crime of suggesting that chimpanzees had ‘personalities’. I was ascribing human characteristics to nonhuman animals and was thus guilty of the worst of ethological sins-anthropomorphism.” None of these thoughts were popular. They still aren’t popular with the scientific community today.
To some extent, humanizing an animal is still considered a great insult to mankind. Humans are at the top of the food chain. Religion and science say that humans are the only species capable of higher thought. But is that really true? How much do we really know about all the forms of animal communication and how the animal brain(s) work?
Do animals really feel such emotions as love? Why or why not?
What do you think?
Friday, October 17, 2008
Ray Ray LaMontagne
The obvious: I am a HUGE fan of Ray L.
The not so obvious: His newest album "Gossip in the Grain" is wretched.
This is not to say the music is necessarily bad. Ray is popular not only for his great lyrics, but his raspy, soulful, heartfelt voice. I like Ray for his unconventional recordings without too many extras; without too much production. That's what originally drew me to him.
His new album, however, is so over-produced and influenced by the studio, that one might not even recognize it as his. Was this his point? Is he trying to reach-out and expand his audience? Perhaps. But I liked the old Ray Ray better. The guy who had a passion for HIS music. The guy whose voice and music was unmistakeable.
I attended his live performance at the Strathmore Auditorium in Rockville, MD, this week. Live, his music was as expected--same old Ray. On the way home, however, I put in his new CD purchased at the show, and was...well...shocked! No more raspiness. No more "Ray." His voice was clean and smooth---Say whaaaa!? Digitally enhanced music is not what I was expecting, nor wanting.
Of the 10 songs on the new CD, I found just 3 that I could appreciate as the Ray I know. I hope he will get back in the studio to cut a new record soon, otherwise I'll be listening to and appreciating his oldies for a while---not that there's anything wrong with that!
Please, Ray Ray, stick to your roots. Keep the Digital Studio manipulations in the hands of the singers that really need it. We want YOUR voice, not a computer's interpretation of it.
http://www.expressnightout.com/content/2008/10/ray_lamontagne_you_are_the_best_thing.php
The not so obvious: His newest album "Gossip in the Grain" is wretched.
This is not to say the music is necessarily bad. Ray is popular not only for his great lyrics, but his raspy, soulful, heartfelt voice. I like Ray for his unconventional recordings without too many extras; without too much production. That's what originally drew me to him.
His new album, however, is so over-produced and influenced by the studio, that one might not even recognize it as his. Was this his point? Is he trying to reach-out and expand his audience? Perhaps. But I liked the old Ray Ray better. The guy who had a passion for HIS music. The guy whose voice and music was unmistakeable.
I attended his live performance at the Strathmore Auditorium in Rockville, MD, this week. Live, his music was as expected--same old Ray. On the way home, however, I put in his new CD purchased at the show, and was...well...shocked! No more raspiness. No more "Ray." His voice was clean and smooth---Say whaaaa!? Digitally enhanced music is not what I was expecting, nor wanting.
Of the 10 songs on the new CD, I found just 3 that I could appreciate as the Ray I know. I hope he will get back in the studio to cut a new record soon, otherwise I'll be listening to and appreciating his oldies for a while---not that there's anything wrong with that!
Please, Ray Ray, stick to your roots. Keep the Digital Studio manipulations in the hands of the singers that really need it. We want YOUR voice, not a computer's interpretation of it.
http://www.expressnightout.com/content/2008/10/ray_lamontagne_you_are_the_best_thing.php
Editorial Influence
The Washington Express should be ashamed for printing such disgraceful jargon about the length of McCain's arms (Oct. 17,2008). see: http://www.expressnightout.com/content/2008/10/candidates_reveal_themselves_in_final_de.php
The paper's complete disregard for vetting such insensitive commentary displays the obvious political leaning and favoritism of the rag and its complete lack of editorial tact.
Aside from the recent decline in articles about Amy Winehouse--something I knew I could always count on at least 3 days a week-- the other very consistent and noticible trend in the Express, and many other network and paper media outlets (including the Presidential Debates), is that Sen. Obama's name is always referenced first, with Sen. McCain second. Either I'm crazy or my elementary school educators misled me into thinking that "M" comes before "O." Not to mention McCain is a senior Senator as opposed to Obama's mere 1+ year(s) actually "working" in the Senate. In which case, let's not make it so obvious that Obama is clearly getting preferential treatment from the vast majority of the media.
Pick up a newspaper, or log on to CNN.com, and what do you see? Obama, perhaps with a minor mention or thumb size picture of McCain next to Obama's 8x10. What do you say we stop feeding Obama's already super-inflated ego.
Why not give equal treatment, access, and exposure to both candidates during an election cycle as opposed to mearly promoting one candidate over another. Is there no longer any responsibility on behalf of the press to report fairly, to be balanced, to report realities rather than printing one-sided articles? Let's be fair and let the people determine who they want in the Casa Blanca; not allow Hollywood money and the media to determine the election.
How about equal access and an unbiased perspective of both candidates...? Nah...because that would be the right thing to do.
The paper's complete disregard for vetting such insensitive commentary displays the obvious political leaning and favoritism of the rag and its complete lack of editorial tact.
Aside from the recent decline in articles about Amy Winehouse--something I knew I could always count on at least 3 days a week-- the other very consistent and noticible trend in the Express, and many other network and paper media outlets (including the Presidential Debates), is that Sen. Obama's name is always referenced first, with Sen. McCain second. Either I'm crazy or my elementary school educators misled me into thinking that "M" comes before "O." Not to mention McCain is a senior Senator as opposed to Obama's mere 1+ year(s) actually "working" in the Senate. In which case, let's not make it so obvious that Obama is clearly getting preferential treatment from the vast majority of the media.
Pick up a newspaper, or log on to CNN.com, and what do you see? Obama, perhaps with a minor mention or thumb size picture of McCain next to Obama's 8x10. What do you say we stop feeding Obama's already super-inflated ego.
Why not give equal treatment, access, and exposure to both candidates during an election cycle as opposed to mearly promoting one candidate over another. Is there no longer any responsibility on behalf of the press to report fairly, to be balanced, to report realities rather than printing one-sided articles? Let's be fair and let the people determine who they want in the Casa Blanca; not allow Hollywood money and the media to determine the election.
How about equal access and an unbiased perspective of both candidates...? Nah...because that would be the right thing to do.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Holy Moly ------It's the 70's Playlist!!
Until my recent resurgence into the fabulous world of Pandora.com, I had forgotten how truly awesome (I know, I'm talking like a young Hipster Doofus) music was in the 70's. Accordingly, here is a brief listing of some of the best to come out of that very special decade:
1) Bluer than Blue - Barry Manilow
2) The Old Songs - Barry Manilow
3) I'd Really Love to See You Tonight - England Dan & John Ford Coley
4) Close to You - The Carpenters
5) Laughter in the Rain - Neil Sedaka
6) Can't Smile Without You - Barry Manilow
7) Without You - Harry Nilsson
8) Your Song - Elton John
9) Sometimes When we Touch - Dan Hill
10) Without You - Air Supply
11) Hard to Say I'm Sorry - Chicago
12) You Are - Lionel Richie
13) Sailing - Christopher Cross
There are soooo many more, but I think this initial playlist will help you get started reminiscing along with me. Enjoy!
1) Bluer than Blue - Barry Manilow
2) The Old Songs - Barry Manilow
3) I'd Really Love to See You Tonight - England Dan & John Ford Coley
4) Close to You - The Carpenters
5) Laughter in the Rain - Neil Sedaka
6) Can't Smile Without You - Barry Manilow
7) Without You - Harry Nilsson
8) Your Song - Elton John
9) Sometimes When we Touch - Dan Hill
10) Without You - Air Supply
11) Hard to Say I'm Sorry - Chicago
12) You Are - Lionel Richie
13) Sailing - Christopher Cross
There are soooo many more, but I think this initial playlist will help you get started reminiscing along with me. Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Winning and Losing Strategies
I just ran across this helpful yet simple advice from relationship coach Dr. Terrence Real and thought I'd share...here are some of his strategies for relationship empowerment...
The five losing strategies:
• Being right
• Controlling your partner
• Unbridled self-expression
• Retaliation
• Withdrawal
The five winning strategies:
• Go after what you want
• Complain constructively
• Listen and respond generously
• Empower one another
• Cherish what you have
The five losing strategies:
• Being right
• Controlling your partner
• Unbridled self-expression
• Retaliation
• Withdrawal
The five winning strategies:
• Go after what you want
• Complain constructively
• Listen and respond generously
• Empower one another
• Cherish what you have
Monday, September 29, 2008
Quotes on Love
Perhaps love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.
- -- Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.
- -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
- -- Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.
- -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The True Emotional Power of Music
In case you haven't noticed, I've been posting a lot more about music lately than anything else--which is somewhat a departure of the original intent of this blog. But is it really?
I've always enjoyed music. My tastes range from the soft and subtle lyrics of mi francaise amoré Madeleine Peyroux to some of the great impressionable rock ballads, from Kenny Rogers and Lyle Lovett to hard-core Metallica. Throw in some classical and a little indie punk to the tune of Kate Nash and I'm definitely a well-rounded music and lyrical fan--though far from an aficionado.
But, having said that, I've never really been a live concert type of fellow--until now, that is! I've seen more concerts in the past year than in my entire life and I've gotta say, I'm diggin' that!!!
My appreciation for music has grown exponentially in that time, and I've truly embraced the true emotional power of music. It is amazing how much can be pulled from your soul and how much you can be inspired (or saddened for that matter) when you connect with a tune. But, regardless of the positive or negative emotion that comes from hearing a given song, it is still remarkably powerful nonetheless.
Fortunately for me (and all of us) there's plenty of it out there. For a sample of the music that I find most powerful on a personal level (with the exception of the Llama song--that's just plain silly!), please see the sidebar on the right.
I will certainly be posting more of my favorites--especially those that I really connect with. Did I mention I love Pandora!? Such a great way to finely tune and feed your musical mood of the moment.
I've always enjoyed music. My tastes range from the soft and subtle lyrics of mi francaise amoré Madeleine Peyroux to some of the great impressionable rock ballads, from Kenny Rogers and Lyle Lovett to hard-core Metallica. Throw in some classical and a little indie punk to the tune of Kate Nash and I'm definitely a well-rounded music and lyrical fan--though far from an aficionado.
But, having said that, I've never really been a live concert type of fellow--until now, that is! I've seen more concerts in the past year than in my entire life and I've gotta say, I'm diggin' that!!!
My appreciation for music has grown exponentially in that time, and I've truly embraced the true emotional power of music. It is amazing how much can be pulled from your soul and how much you can be inspired (or saddened for that matter) when you connect with a tune. But, regardless of the positive or negative emotion that comes from hearing a given song, it is still remarkably powerful nonetheless.
Fortunately for me (and all of us) there's plenty of it out there. For a sample of the music that I find most powerful on a personal level (with the exception of the Llama song--that's just plain silly!), please see the sidebar on the right.
I will certainly be posting more of my favorites--especially those that I really connect with. Did I mention I love Pandora!? Such a great way to finely tune and feed your musical mood of the moment.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Soul Mates & Twin Flames
Read this today and thought it was well worth sharing...
Soul Mates & Twin Flames - by Arianni Masters
Relationships are the most challenging and the most rewarding aspects of this life. The more intimate the relationship the larger opportunity for growth we are given. Relationships are mirrors for us to learn more about ourselves. There are three different types of relationship mirrors. One is the mirror of who you were. This mirror gives you the opportunity to see how far you have come, the chance to experience the karma that you have already cleared. So don’t get caught up in this relationship worried about why it is coming back at this time, thank it and let it go.A second type of relationship is the one that is mirroring where you are now on your path. If an issue or person has an emotional "charge" to it, then you still have work to do. This mirror is the hardest to look at because it reflects the things you have not yet finished in your karma. These are the things that we are the most blind to.The last type of relationship is the one that mirrors your potential. This allows you to have a glimpse at who you could be, if you wanted to. This person is usually someone that you idealize and put on a pedestal.So look at your various relationships and see which group they fall into. By knowing this you will gain insight into yourself. Self understanding is the entire reason for these mirrors, not to ‘fix’ the other person, but to look at yourself.Now there are two additional overarching categories of relationships that people always want to know about. The questions go something like this: "Is there a perfect mate out there for me?" or "Will I meet my Soul Mate?" These areinteresting questions.The entire reason for most relationships are so that you can work on your spiritual self and your karma! So with that said, the more you clear up issues for yourself, the more you ARE the ‘right’ person, the more you will attract the person you are looking for.Soul Mates and Twin Flames are not the same thing. Soul Mates are other souls that have agreed to connect with you on this planet for a purpose. In some cases it is to clear up karma, in other cases it is to finish unfinished business, and for some it is to accomplish a particular goal together. These relationships may bea joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.When Soul Mates first meet they sometimes feel as if they already know each other. They may feel very familiar to each other. Soul Mates can have a beautiful relationship together, but it will take work. Soul Mate relationships may last a lifetime and others may only be for a particular purpose and be temporary. You can have more than one Soul Mate in a lifetime.Twin Flames are very different and very rare. Twin Flames are two people in two separate bodies that share the same Soul. Twin Flames meet each other in their first incarnation so that they remember the soul frequency of the other being. They are then usually reunited on their last time to this planet. If Twin Flames meet before they are ready they can be the total opposite and not at all compatible. When Twin Flames meet and are ready for each other, it is the most enjoyable experience possible on Earth.At this point, Twin Flames are almost identical. They truly compliment each other and it is a hardship for them to be apart. As an outside observer it is sometimes hard to distinguish the two people. They also have a very strong bond and often have telepathy with each other. Their lives even before meeting eachother have many parallels. Again, meeting your Twin Flame is very rare on this planet.So, all relationships serve a purpose and should be honored and appreciated for what they have to offer you in your personal spiritual growth. Thank the person and the experiences for all that you have had the opportunity to learn and clear. Know that ALL relationships are sacred, because they bring us closer to the Light of All That Is.
Soul Mates & Twin Flames - by Arianni Masters
Relationships are the most challenging and the most rewarding aspects of this life. The more intimate the relationship the larger opportunity for growth we are given. Relationships are mirrors for us to learn more about ourselves. There are three different types of relationship mirrors. One is the mirror of who you were. This mirror gives you the opportunity to see how far you have come, the chance to experience the karma that you have already cleared. So don’t get caught up in this relationship worried about why it is coming back at this time, thank it and let it go.A second type of relationship is the one that is mirroring where you are now on your path. If an issue or person has an emotional "charge" to it, then you still have work to do. This mirror is the hardest to look at because it reflects the things you have not yet finished in your karma. These are the things that we are the most blind to.The last type of relationship is the one that mirrors your potential. This allows you to have a glimpse at who you could be, if you wanted to. This person is usually someone that you idealize and put on a pedestal.So look at your various relationships and see which group they fall into. By knowing this you will gain insight into yourself. Self understanding is the entire reason for these mirrors, not to ‘fix’ the other person, but to look at yourself.Now there are two additional overarching categories of relationships that people always want to know about. The questions go something like this: "Is there a perfect mate out there for me?" or "Will I meet my Soul Mate?" These areinteresting questions.The entire reason for most relationships are so that you can work on your spiritual self and your karma! So with that said, the more you clear up issues for yourself, the more you ARE the ‘right’ person, the more you will attract the person you are looking for.Soul Mates and Twin Flames are not the same thing. Soul Mates are other souls that have agreed to connect with you on this planet for a purpose. In some cases it is to clear up karma, in other cases it is to finish unfinished business, and for some it is to accomplish a particular goal together. These relationships may bea joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.When Soul Mates first meet they sometimes feel as if they already know each other. They may feel very familiar to each other. Soul Mates can have a beautiful relationship together, but it will take work. Soul Mate relationships may last a lifetime and others may only be for a particular purpose and be temporary. You can have more than one Soul Mate in a lifetime.Twin Flames are very different and very rare. Twin Flames are two people in two separate bodies that share the same Soul. Twin Flames meet each other in their first incarnation so that they remember the soul frequency of the other being. They are then usually reunited on their last time to this planet. If Twin Flames meet before they are ready they can be the total opposite and not at all compatible. When Twin Flames meet and are ready for each other, it is the most enjoyable experience possible on Earth.At this point, Twin Flames are almost identical. They truly compliment each other and it is a hardship for them to be apart. As an outside observer it is sometimes hard to distinguish the two people. They also have a very strong bond and often have telepathy with each other. Their lives even before meeting eachother have many parallels. Again, meeting your Twin Flame is very rare on this planet.So, all relationships serve a purpose and should be honored and appreciated for what they have to offer you in your personal spiritual growth. Thank the person and the experiences for all that you have had the opportunity to learn and clear. Know that ALL relationships are sacred, because they bring us closer to the Light of All That Is.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Don't Bother Me, and I'll Return the Favor!
I'm a sports fan. I love the World Series, the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup Finals, the Little League World Series, Ultimate Fighting, the Olympics, and March Madness.
But for me, the game and "sport" of National/Presidential Elections ranks above them all in intensity and excitement.
Having said that, I respect others' needs of seclusion, and desire to be left alone and not bothered during their preferred sporting events. I do not call just to say hello , to "check-in", or have a liesurely chat in the middle of the 4th quarter or the ninth inning. Accordingly, I would hope for the same respect during my big event.
However, as luck would have it, while I am lucky to hear from any of my family members once or twice in any given 12 month period, I can assure you, with absolute confidence and irony, that I will be bombarded with rando phone calls throughout my weeklong-once every four years-event; the conventions. Puhlease people!
I love my family and friends, but this really is not the time for chit chat. I have political merits to consider!
But for me, the game and "sport" of National/Presidential Elections ranks above them all in intensity and excitement.
Having said that, I respect others' needs of seclusion, and desire to be left alone and not bothered during their preferred sporting events. I do not call just to say hello , to "check-in", or have a liesurely chat in the middle of the 4th quarter or the ninth inning. Accordingly, I would hope for the same respect during my big event.
However, as luck would have it, while I am lucky to hear from any of my family members once or twice in any given 12 month period, I can assure you, with absolute confidence and irony, that I will be bombarded with rando phone calls throughout my weeklong-once every four years-event; the conventions. Puhlease people!
I love my family and friends, but this really is not the time for chit chat. I have political merits to consider!
Quote of the Day
“What is interesting about self-analysis is that it leads nowhere…” --Anita Brookner
Pretty Bubbles...
My Mom used to sing me a lullabye called "I'm forever Blowing Bubbles." The song was written in 1917 by Jaan Kenbrovin.
Here is a version of it sung by the Merry Macs. While my mom toned it down significantly from this uppity version to make it more agreeable to a sleepy-eyed Baby-G, it is still a nice version of the song for those virgin ears...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBiSd9R9YUA
Enjoy!
Here is a version of it sung by the Merry Macs. While my mom toned it down significantly from this uppity version to make it more agreeable to a sleepy-eyed Baby-G, it is still a nice version of the song for those virgin ears...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBiSd9R9YUA
Enjoy!
My Dad's Favorite Song...
I spent some time interviewing my father a while back. He --like me--is a very private and personal man, but I determined that there was a lot about him even his children didn't know, and I hoped to obtain as much personal information about him as possible so as to have a record of his life.
Among the many questions I asked him, were: Who was his first kiss? Nicknames as a child? what he collected as a child? Who his favorite relatives were and why? Etc., Etc.
Then, because of my love for music, I asked about his favorite song of all-time.....?
His response:
For the Good Times - Mr. Ray Price
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIEnSEIOa30&feature=related
Awe....I love my Pops...
Among the many questions I asked him, were: Who was his first kiss? Nicknames as a child? what he collected as a child? Who his favorite relatives were and why? Etc., Etc.
Then, because of my love for music, I asked about his favorite song of all-time.....?
His response:
For the Good Times - Mr. Ray Price
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIEnSEIOa30&feature=related
Awe....I love my Pops...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Wedding Toasts
Quite often I am moved by the toasts given at weddings by parents, best men, or bridesmaids. It is remarkable the endearing and heartfelt things people can come up with to help a couple celebrate their big day.
At a recent wedding I attended, there were two such toasts that I thought were quite remarkable, and warranted sharing.
First, from the best man: "Love grows over time, so my toast to you is: Let this day be the day that you love each other the least."
Then from the uncle of the bride: "Find that one person that M.E.L.T.S. you. M=High Morals; E=Ethical Standards; L=Listens; T=Takes Care of You; S=Sees You for Who You are and Appreciates Everything About You. I'm glad that each of you have found the person that Melts you...."
At a recent wedding I attended, there were two such toasts that I thought were quite remarkable, and warranted sharing.
First, from the best man: "Love grows over time, so my toast to you is: Let this day be the day that you love each other the least."
Then from the uncle of the bride: "Find that one person that M.E.L.T.S. you. M=High Morals; E=Ethical Standards; L=Listens; T=Takes Care of You; S=Sees You for Who You are and Appreciates Everything About You. I'm glad that each of you have found the person that Melts you...."
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Another Aspect of What Love is...
"Love...consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other."
- Rainer Maria Rilke
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Monday, August 11, 2008
Tracks
Lately I have been internally wrestling with the question of what I am supposed to do with my life and how to direct my path, as much as I am capable of doing. I must honestly admit that I have been frustrated for a long time at the seeming lack of direction in my life, even feeling resentful of God that He would not ‘point’ me in a certain direction or send down a vision from Heaven clearly spelling out what my purpose is specifically. But last night I received some interesting insight as I read a book called Let Your Life Speak. It's about listening for the voice of vocation...in it the author was talking about his struggle and frustration in his mid thirties when he was floundering because he still hadn't settled on any one calling or vocation for his life. He had a Ph.D. and had worked in Washington, was very successful, etc etc, but still didn't feel that he was doing what he was meant to do with his life. He talked about going to a community called Pendle Hill – a place where the community was rooted in prayer, study, and a vision of human possibility. He wanted to immurse himself in a setting where he was sure to get some clear direction. He spoke to a wise woman there for guidance and insight, and she said to "have faith, and the way will open." “I have faith,” he thought to himself. "What I don't have is time to wait for 'way' to open. I'm approaching middle age at warp speed and I have yet to find a vocational path that feels right. The only way that's opened so far is the wrong way."
"Well," said the woman (Ruth), "In sixty years plus of living, ‘way’ has never opened in front of me...but a lot of the way has closed behind me, and that's had the same guiding effect." He goes on to say that Ruth's honesty gave him a new way to look at his vocational journey, and his experience has long since confirmed the lesson she taught him that day: that there is as much guidance in what does not and cannot happen in life as there is in what can and does - maybe more.
It is an interesting quality of humankind that when we have a door that closes for us, we often feel resentment, perhaps harboring the feeling that we have somehow been gypped or cheated out of something that was seemingly ‘right’ or intended to be for us. However it may be just as true, as this author points out, that we can take from that experience a sign or means of guidance from what was apparently not meant to be. As creatures who like to get their way – who want what we want and not what we need, this can often be a difficult or unpleasant assignment. But I was relieved in a way to become acquainted with this concept; because the absence of a positive sign or message does not mean the absence of God’s loving and gentle direction…it means that He is teaching us to listen to something larger than ourselves and our ideas. And I think the latter holds much more promise than the former.
"Well," said the woman (Ruth), "In sixty years plus of living, ‘way’ has never opened in front of me...but a lot of the way has closed behind me, and that's had the same guiding effect." He goes on to say that Ruth's honesty gave him a new way to look at his vocational journey, and his experience has long since confirmed the lesson she taught him that day: that there is as much guidance in what does not and cannot happen in life as there is in what can and does - maybe more.
It is an interesting quality of humankind that when we have a door that closes for us, we often feel resentment, perhaps harboring the feeling that we have somehow been gypped or cheated out of something that was seemingly ‘right’ or intended to be for us. However it may be just as true, as this author points out, that we can take from that experience a sign or means of guidance from what was apparently not meant to be. As creatures who like to get their way – who want what we want and not what we need, this can often be a difficult or unpleasant assignment. But I was relieved in a way to become acquainted with this concept; because the absence of a positive sign or message does not mean the absence of God’s loving and gentle direction…it means that He is teaching us to listen to something larger than ourselves and our ideas. And I think the latter holds much more promise than the former.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Finding Gratefulness
This is an article I came upon that reiterated to me the necessity of being grateful - no matter the circumstances one may be in. Gratitute is required of us, for everything that we have is a gift...but it also blesses us and releases us to greater happiness when we do begin to look at things, people and situations differently. Gratefulness IS a grace as the author of the article below states...
Gratefulness brings a great fullness to life. The choice to adopt and hold a moment-by-moment attitude of gratitude is the choice that differentiates those who suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune and those who are blessed with a joyous and abundant life.
Yes, that is correct. It is not the actual events and circumstances that occur during one’s journey through life that determine whether or not a person is happy and prosperous; it is the conscious and willful choice to be grateful for all the bounty that life has to offer AND to be grateful for the opportunity to participate in and contribute to the experience of life, which enables and empowers any individual, regardless of circumstance, to have a fulfilling life.
Like everything else on the path to mastery, gratitude is a choice. You can choose to wait for some meaningfully pleasant situation to arise and then feel gratitude in response, or you can choose to be grateful at all times, in all circumstances, and watch as the world conspires to assist you in your path.
If you are grateful for what you already have, the world will conspire to give you more to be grateful for. If you are resentful of what you already have, the world will conspire to give you more to resent.
Moreover, the true master learns to be grateful, in advance, for the things that are idealized and desired. Why? Because, being grateful in advance for some attainment or accomplishment does two very important things: one…it tricks your subconscious into believing that the goal is certain and two…it convinces other people, with whom you must interact to achieve your desires, that you know what you are about, that you are a winner, not a whiner.
When your subconscious is convinced that the goal is certain, it will provide the ways and means of fulfilling or achieving that goal. Since your subconscious is connected to the great collective subconscious of humanity, it also informs this ‘morphic field’ of your profound intent and the result is that the people, resources and conditions for fulfillment show up in your life. All because you chose to be grateful…in advance of the havingness. The act of being grateful in advance is proof of your faith and belief in the actuality, eventuality and realness of the manifestation of your desired ideal.
All this, and more, happens when you choose to hold and to express gratefulness for what you have and what you claim or expect to have as you journey through life.
Begin each day with an expression of your gratitude for all the blessings that God has bestowed upon you and your day will be filled with even more and greater blessings.
The choice is yours. Every breath you breathe can be an expression of gratitude. Existing in a state of gratefulness is very alike existing in a state of grace.
Being grateful denotes your knowledge of, and application of, one of the most important aspects of creation…who you are and how you are produces what you have. And, of course, makes what you have all that much more en-JOY-able.
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.
Gratefulness brings a great fullness to life. The choice to adopt and hold a moment-by-moment attitude of gratitude is the choice that differentiates those who suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune and those who are blessed with a joyous and abundant life.
Yes, that is correct. It is not the actual events and circumstances that occur during one’s journey through life that determine whether or not a person is happy and prosperous; it is the conscious and willful choice to be grateful for all the bounty that life has to offer AND to be grateful for the opportunity to participate in and contribute to the experience of life, which enables and empowers any individual, regardless of circumstance, to have a fulfilling life.
Like everything else on the path to mastery, gratitude is a choice. You can choose to wait for some meaningfully pleasant situation to arise and then feel gratitude in response, or you can choose to be grateful at all times, in all circumstances, and watch as the world conspires to assist you in your path.
If you are grateful for what you already have, the world will conspire to give you more to be grateful for. If you are resentful of what you already have, the world will conspire to give you more to resent.
Moreover, the true master learns to be grateful, in advance, for the things that are idealized and desired. Why? Because, being grateful in advance for some attainment or accomplishment does two very important things: one…it tricks your subconscious into believing that the goal is certain and two…it convinces other people, with whom you must interact to achieve your desires, that you know what you are about, that you are a winner, not a whiner.
When your subconscious is convinced that the goal is certain, it will provide the ways and means of fulfilling or achieving that goal. Since your subconscious is connected to the great collective subconscious of humanity, it also informs this ‘morphic field’ of your profound intent and the result is that the people, resources and conditions for fulfillment show up in your life. All because you chose to be grateful…in advance of the havingness. The act of being grateful in advance is proof of your faith and belief in the actuality, eventuality and realness of the manifestation of your desired ideal.
All this, and more, happens when you choose to hold and to express gratefulness for what you have and what you claim or expect to have as you journey through life.
Begin each day with an expression of your gratitude for all the blessings that God has bestowed upon you and your day will be filled with even more and greater blessings.
The choice is yours. Every breath you breathe can be an expression of gratitude. Existing in a state of gratefulness is very alike existing in a state of grace.
Being grateful denotes your knowledge of, and application of, one of the most important aspects of creation…who you are and how you are produces what you have. And, of course, makes what you have all that much more en-JOY-able.
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Arugula Files DC
I know this is a departure from the general theme of this blog, but, Love is love, whether it is emotional love, or love for food. Accordingly, I think from time to time I may just start mentioning my love for food. Here is "food" blog number 1....
1)Think you're a "Foodie?"
2)Perhaps you just like food? Or maybe you just like the thought of food...
3)Like eating out?
4)Like cooking at home?
5)Like pretty much anything associated with food?
DC, much like other major cities, has its fair share of restaurants and is a mecca for dining--both good, bad, and on the cheap. Here is a great site for all Washingtonians that answered yes to any of the previous questions....
http://arugulafiles.typepad.com/
I recently attended the Washingtonian Magazines Leukemia and Lymphoma fundraiser at the National Building Museum. Wow! How inspiring!!! I just wanted to make reservations at every restaurant in the DC Metro area. ---Good thing restaurant week is making its return to DC in a couple of weeks. I plan to take full advantage of that!
I'm now in the mood to eat, much like I am always in the mood to golf, play tennis, cook, improve my home or garden, or.... well anything after watching it on Television. Funny how inspiring watching television can be.
Enjoy!
1)Think you're a "Foodie?"
2)Perhaps you just like food? Or maybe you just like the thought of food...
3)Like eating out?
4)Like cooking at home?
5)Like pretty much anything associated with food?
DC, much like other major cities, has its fair share of restaurants and is a mecca for dining--both good, bad, and on the cheap. Here is a great site for all Washingtonians that answered yes to any of the previous questions....
http://arugulafiles.typepad.com/
I recently attended the Washingtonian Magazines Leukemia and Lymphoma fundraiser at the National Building Museum. Wow! How inspiring!!! I just wanted to make reservations at every restaurant in the DC Metro area. ---Good thing restaurant week is making its return to DC in a couple of weeks. I plan to take full advantage of that!
I'm now in the mood to eat, much like I am always in the mood to golf, play tennis, cook, improve my home or garden, or.... well anything after watching it on Television. Funny how inspiring watching television can be.
Enjoy!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Stumbling on Happiness
Thank you for your post, Ms. Bellcanto. Here is my response....
Daniel Gilbert actually wrote a book conveniently titled "Stumbling on Happiness." >>click here for more information about it.
While sometimes humorous, the overall theme of the book addresses the human being's unique ability, and unfortunate tendency to be able to think about the future; to consider, analyze, and adjust our current circumstances to affect the future.
We try to make ourselves happy based on what we believe we want our futures to look like and what we assume will make us happy in the long-term. Gilbert suggests that in reality, when we are older--even on our deathbeds, we are never happy or satified with the decisions we made throughout our lives which were based on what we thought we would eventually want and be hapopy with, because what we currently believe will make us happy in the future won't necessarily pan-out. Therefore, we should be living for today, and what makes us happy in the present times. Theoretically, if we concentrate on daily happiness, in the longrun, regardless of where we end-up, we will be able to look back and say that we were happy all along and as a result, we have no regrets, and we don't look back in disdain about why we thought we would like something other than we do.
The perfect example of this is a man who sacrifices daily happiness and works hard when he is young--perhaps even to the detriment of his family, spouse, health, etc. --with the idea that doing do now will in the long-run pay dividends-- he will be financially well-off, will be able to retire early, spend time with his family, play a lot of golf, and live the happy, relaxed life of a young, spry retiree. I think we all know what really ends-up happening here, don't we?
He either:
1) Looks back on his life and regrets sacrificing quality time with his family, regrets that he missed the most of the experiences and everyday happinesses for assumed long term gains, and perhaps even realizes that he doesn't like golf all that much.
or
2) He never quite accomplishes what he wanted or reaches the level he had hoped, and therefore, like a drug, he remains addicted to his pursuit and continues his aspirations of reaching some magical level of happiness. He never stops his extreme and sacrificial lifestyle and ends-up wasting his life --all the good things, all the possibilities for enjoying so much --because he remains committed to living for the future and what he assumes will eventually be his true happiness. All the while, in the end, he ends up looking back and realizing that he lived a life envied by noone.
When analyzing my personal level of happiness and satisfaction, I find that happiness truly is stumbled upon. It hits you like a brick out of nowhere. I cannot be necessarily or difinitively traced to a specific or given item, event, person, or ideal --much like pain and suffering can. True happiness is upon us without reason. Why? Who knows? But perhaps it is because we aren't looking for it, rather, we are living for it. We aren't stressing-out and working towards trying to find it resulting in continued sadness and acknowledgement that we aren't happy. Rather, we come upon it--we stumble on happiness naturally through a happy lifestyle. And when the realization of natural and true happiness overtakes us, it is fabulous!
I. Am. Happy.
I can't tell you exactly why, but I can tell you that I haven't been looking for happiness, I've been living for it.
Daniel Gilbert actually wrote a book conveniently titled "Stumbling on Happiness." >>click here for more information about it.
While sometimes humorous, the overall theme of the book addresses the human being's unique ability, and unfortunate tendency to be able to think about the future; to consider, analyze, and adjust our current circumstances to affect the future.
We try to make ourselves happy based on what we believe we want our futures to look like and what we assume will make us happy in the long-term. Gilbert suggests that in reality, when we are older--even on our deathbeds, we are never happy or satified with the decisions we made throughout our lives which were based on what we thought we would eventually want and be hapopy with, because what we currently believe will make us happy in the future won't necessarily pan-out. Therefore, we should be living for today, and what makes us happy in the present times. Theoretically, if we concentrate on daily happiness, in the longrun, regardless of where we end-up, we will be able to look back and say that we were happy all along and as a result, we have no regrets, and we don't look back in disdain about why we thought we would like something other than we do.
The perfect example of this is a man who sacrifices daily happiness and works hard when he is young--perhaps even to the detriment of his family, spouse, health, etc. --with the idea that doing do now will in the long-run pay dividends-- he will be financially well-off, will be able to retire early, spend time with his family, play a lot of golf, and live the happy, relaxed life of a young, spry retiree. I think we all know what really ends-up happening here, don't we?
He either:
1) Looks back on his life and regrets sacrificing quality time with his family, regrets that he missed the most of the experiences and everyday happinesses for assumed long term gains, and perhaps even realizes that he doesn't like golf all that much.
or
2) He never quite accomplishes what he wanted or reaches the level he had hoped, and therefore, like a drug, he remains addicted to his pursuit and continues his aspirations of reaching some magical level of happiness. He never stops his extreme and sacrificial lifestyle and ends-up wasting his life --all the good things, all the possibilities for enjoying so much --because he remains committed to living for the future and what he assumes will eventually be his true happiness. All the while, in the end, he ends up looking back and realizing that he lived a life envied by noone.
When analyzing my personal level of happiness and satisfaction, I find that happiness truly is stumbled upon. It hits you like a brick out of nowhere. I cannot be necessarily or difinitively traced to a specific or given item, event, person, or ideal --much like pain and suffering can. True happiness is upon us without reason. Why? Who knows? But perhaps it is because we aren't looking for it, rather, we are living for it. We aren't stressing-out and working towards trying to find it resulting in continued sadness and acknowledgement that we aren't happy. Rather, we come upon it--we stumble on happiness naturally through a happy lifestyle. And when the realization of natural and true happiness overtakes us, it is fabulous!
I. Am. Happy.
I can't tell you exactly why, but I can tell you that I haven't been looking for happiness, I've been living for it.
Happiness
Denmark was recently found to be, by a study on global wellbeing, the happiest country and the most content nation in the world. Researchers pointed out that most of the countries who ranked well on their happy-scale were unsurprisingly those with peaceful democracies. But some might wonder why the correlation between happiness and peaceful political situations didn’t manifest in the ranking of the United States, who is also the richest nation in the world. Listed as the 16th happiest nation on the globe, the good old U.S. of A. obviously has some non-material problems that prevented it from topping the charts in this respect. The reason being? Let’s let Martha Washington answer that: "The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances." And it doesn’t take that long a look around you or in a newspaper to find out that we are also the most spoiled, greedy, impatient, selfish and lazy people on the earth. We also have many redeeming qualities and exercise them in many ways, but we also coast along on the coat-tails of our forefathers’ character, who built this nation upon solid principles and values. Now we simply get to enjoy the fruits of their efforts and courageous acts. We are a country of vast prosperity, and we’ve succumbed to the pitfalls of that condition, costing us our happiness and inner peace. As someone who is searching to find the true meaning of happiness and inward contentment, I am not casting at finger at my fellow Americans, for certainly I am guilty of the aforementioned as well. Many of us struggle with this question – but perhaps the answer is that we simply have not struggled enough. The old adage that “adversity maketh the man, prosperity maketh the monster” is true…we all succumb to hubris, selfishness and greed when things go our way too much. This is not to say that it is wrong when we are successful, or blessed, or prosperous. All of these things are very good, but they have to be tempered with gratitude, humility and a sense of wonder (in the sense that they are not simply expected or demanded). As Ms. Washington said above, happiness depends upon our inner substance and foundation, not what constitutes our outer layers.
I feel that one key to happiness that God has been teaching me recently is the quality of acceptance. As a red head with German in my blood, this is not something that comes naturally for me. I’m hard-headed, and if something goes wrong, I want to DO something about it. If someone stands up to me and counters me, my natural tendency is to be stronger and not back down until they’ve given in. If God thwarts me, my first response is inward anger and on the outside shaking my fist at him. But this is not correct of course, just as stewing over something that didn’t go my way or harboring resentment, bitterness, anger or hurt is wrong and detrimental to my overall well-being and peace. But lately I’ve been very blessed and moved by the simple act of giving over my will – when it is out of line and incorrect – and accepting what comes as what is meant to be. I might as well not fight it – there’s nothing I can do to change it anyway – it’s better to make peace about it. Perhaps this is a simple concept for many, but I’m glad to be learning it now and relinquishing a “control” that I don’t have anyway to the One who does. There is a lot of peace that comes from doing that. If someone can learn to accept the good with the bad and be grateful for that at the same time, I think that person is well on their way to being a happy being. It’s not just the good that happens to you in life that makes you happy, it’s how to handle the bad and prevent it from ruining you or tearing you down.
What also contributes to inward peace and happiness? There are certainly many other conditions and qualities that make for a happy outlook and peaceful existence in life. What are some other characteristics that help this?
I feel that one key to happiness that God has been teaching me recently is the quality of acceptance. As a red head with German in my blood, this is not something that comes naturally for me. I’m hard-headed, and if something goes wrong, I want to DO something about it. If someone stands up to me and counters me, my natural tendency is to be stronger and not back down until they’ve given in. If God thwarts me, my first response is inward anger and on the outside shaking my fist at him. But this is not correct of course, just as stewing over something that didn’t go my way or harboring resentment, bitterness, anger or hurt is wrong and detrimental to my overall well-being and peace. But lately I’ve been very blessed and moved by the simple act of giving over my will – when it is out of line and incorrect – and accepting what comes as what is meant to be. I might as well not fight it – there’s nothing I can do to change it anyway – it’s better to make peace about it. Perhaps this is a simple concept for many, but I’m glad to be learning it now and relinquishing a “control” that I don’t have anyway to the One who does. There is a lot of peace that comes from doing that. If someone can learn to accept the good with the bad and be grateful for that at the same time, I think that person is well on their way to being a happy being. It’s not just the good that happens to you in life that makes you happy, it’s how to handle the bad and prevent it from ruining you or tearing you down.
What also contributes to inward peace and happiness? There are certainly many other conditions and qualities that make for a happy outlook and peaceful existence in life. What are some other characteristics that help this?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Exercise for Understanding Your Partner’s Insecurities
An Exercise for Understanding Your Partner’s Insecurities...and Your Own!
I recently came up with an exercise which I thought was quite helpful in bolstering the quality and levels of communication and understanding with one's partner. It seems to work wonderfully as far as I am concerned. Perhaps you could give it a try...
1) Sit down with your partner each with a sheet of paper and a pen.
2) Draw 3 columns on your paper and number 5 rows in each column.
The column headers should be:
a) My insecurities
b) Your insecurities
c) What I like/what I find most appealing about you.
Without talking, complete the lists. It is important to suck it up and be completely open and honest, otherwise this exercise is for naught.
For a) name your top 5 insecurities. For b) name what you think are the top 5 insecurities of your partner. For c) name the the top 5 things you like most about your partner.
Once you've completed your lists, verbally exchange what you wrote one-by-one working from list a) to c) and discussing the answers with your partner.
So you think you really know your partner, right? If you are both completely honest, the results are quite enlightening and hopefully you will learn more than you thought.
The idea here is that we all have our insecurities. While some of us make them obvious, others are good at burying them deep down. The problem is, deep-rooted insecurities cannot be addressed unless an individual is willing to acknowledge them--even to their partner. Far too often, they are never addressed and the overwhelming nature of their impact on the individual can be disastrous --many times to the detriment of the relationship.
Have fun, let go, and enjoy!
I recently came up with an exercise which I thought was quite helpful in bolstering the quality and levels of communication and understanding with one's partner. It seems to work wonderfully as far as I am concerned. Perhaps you could give it a try...
1) Sit down with your partner each with a sheet of paper and a pen.
2) Draw 3 columns on your paper and number 5 rows in each column.
The column headers should be:
a) My insecurities
b) Your insecurities
c) What I like/what I find most appealing about you.
Without talking, complete the lists. It is important to suck it up and be completely open and honest, otherwise this exercise is for naught.
For a) name your top 5 insecurities. For b) name what you think are the top 5 insecurities of your partner. For c) name the the top 5 things you like most about your partner.
Once you've completed your lists, verbally exchange what you wrote one-by-one working from list a) to c) and discussing the answers with your partner.
So you think you really know your partner, right? If you are both completely honest, the results are quite enlightening and hopefully you will learn more than you thought.
The idea here is that we all have our insecurities. While some of us make them obvious, others are good at burying them deep down. The problem is, deep-rooted insecurities cannot be addressed unless an individual is willing to acknowledge them--even to their partner. Far too often, they are never addressed and the overwhelming nature of their impact on the individual can be disastrous --many times to the detriment of the relationship.
Have fun, let go, and enjoy!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Long-Term Life Goals...
Last night I was asked what my long-term life goal was. It got me thinking.This morning I was grabbing a Rasberry Light White Berry coffee from Caribou, and as I looked out the window, I saw a 40+ year old couple embracing, kissing, making googling eyes at each other and smiling before saying goodbye for the day. It got me thinking.
They say that Parisians--or Europeans in general are more romantic than Americans, more willing to outwardly disply affection. While my travels to Europe have been limited to The Netherlands and Belgium, I've never been able to witness this activity first-hand, but I'm left with the impression from others that making-out and showing affection in public is quite prominent over the Atlantic. This gets me thinking.
I've always grown-up and lived a life of restricted public displays of affection while struggling internally with the reality that all I wanted to do was embrace the woman I loved, all the time--everywhere! But I have always been inhibited by my upbringing and thoughts about impropriety. I value my woman, I respect her, I love her, and while wanting to express that to her in the most appealing and obvious of ways as viewed in the mind of a woman (in public), it is an unfortunate reality that I've always given more consideration to other people seeing my love for her over her ability to actually experience it fully, without restrictions, without inhibitions, in public. I now regret that. I now realize that I should always, regardless of my insecurities, regardless of the hesitation and fear of being viewed as inapropriate by public bystanders, I should always put my emotional needs and wants--and those of my loved one first, and express my true emotions whenever and as often as possible.
Women crave uninhibited passion. Women want their man to express his love for them, not only at home and behind closed doors, but also to the world. A woman feels more secure in her relationship with her man when he is willing to scream to the world, "this is my woman, this is the woman I love, and this is how much." They find it troublesome when their man won't outwardly express his affection in public, because they feel like the man is not proud of her and their relationship. Right? --At least I think this is the case.
So...back to the original question that was asked of me last night: What is my long-term life goal? The answer is simple and unequivical. I want to be Norman Thayer, and I want to experience life with my Ethel Thayer. (See: On Golden Pond) I want to love my woman fully, openly, without restrictions, and without considering others views of impropriety. I want to walk on the beach, hand-in-hand with her and embrace the woman I love with my entire heart; that I would die for; that I do not want to live without, because she is my other half, she is my heart. I want to carry her heart in my heart 'til the end of days--and beyond, and I want people--everyone, to know that she is my everything.
This is my long-term life goal. This is where I want to be.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
An Inspirational Sermon
http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2041342/posts"Rest for the Weary" (Sermon on Matthew 11:25-30 and Romans 7:14-25a)July 6, 2008 The Rev. Charles Henrickson
Posted on Sunday, July 06, 2008 1:10:01 AM by Charles Henrickson
“Rest for the Weary” (Matthew 11:25-30; Romans 7:14-25a)
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Jesus here issues a wonderful invitation and makes a wonderful promise. “Come to me” is the invitation, and “I will give you rest” is the promise. And to whom does he address this invitation and this promise? To “all who labor and are heavy laden.” What is it, then, to labor and be heavy laden, to be weary and burdened? What does Jesus mean by that?
Jesus speaks to those who are weary of trying to please God by their own efforts. He is speaking to those who labor under the law. Those who are burdened with their weight of guilt. Loaded down with all the weariness and the burdens that life in this vale of tears lays upon people. Jesus speaks to those who are heavy laden with loads they are unable to carry. To them, to those who realize their weariness and burdened state, Jesus says, “Come to me, and I will give you rest.”
Is Jesus speaking to you? “All who labor and are heavy laden”: Is that you? Are you weary and burdened? Then, yes, Jesus is speaking to you today. He is inviting you to come to him, to learn from, and to receive from him, receive the rest he freely offers.
Jesus’ words back then addressed people who knew what it was to labor and be heavy laden. The Pharisees, you see, loaded a heavy weight on the people’s backs. For they thought, and they taught, that the law was something--if you worked hard enough--you could keep. That was how you could be accounted righteous before God--by your works. And that’s a heavy burden to bear. Only the best and most dedicated could hope to live up to that standard--oh, people like the Pharisees.
The Pharisees thought they could manage the law and master it. Of course, what they did was to take the teeth out of the law and make it just an external, superficial keeping of the law in its outward form. For instance, instead of really keeping the Sabbath commandment, which had to do with resting from work in order to hear God’s word, they would instead make up their own regulations about how many steps you could take on a Sabbath day’s journey, that sort of thing. A manageable kind of law. And that really sidesteps the main issue, which is that the law is to show us the sinfulness of our heart. It exposes us as sinners who do not want to hear God’s word and hold it sacred. In this way we come to see our need for God’s forgiveness and his righteousness. But the Pharisees deluded themselves into thinking they were keeping God’s law and thus were righteous.
To make themselves seem righteous, they had to look better than everyone else. So they devised a lot of man-made laws, a lot of regulations, and developed a whole system of minute rules that, if you really put your mind to it and worked really hard, I suppose you could keep in some outward fashion. Other people, of course, those who were not so attentive to these rules, would come off looking less religious, which in turn made the Pharisees look good by comparison. That was their game.
Now what was the effect this had on people? They felt weighted down, burdened. Jesus would later say of the Pharisees, “They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders.” By directing the people to the law--what’s more, to their own added-on human regulations--the Pharisees tied a heavy load on people’s backs. It was more than they could bear.
This issue came up again later, in the early church. In the Book of Acts, we read that there were some who were saying the Gentiles--that is, the non-Jews--had to keep all of the Jewish law in order to come into the church. “The Gentiles must be required to obey the law of Moses,” they said. But the apostle Peter got it right when he said: “Why are you putting God to the test by placing a yoke on the neck of the disciples that neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.”
The law is a heavy yoke that you and I are not able to bear. Keeping all the commandments of God is an enormous weight, and we are not strong enough to lift it. The apostle Paul realized this about himself, as we heard in the Epistle from Romans 7: “For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. . . . For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. . . . For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. . . . Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”
Paul himself had been a Pharisee. He knew something of the burden of the law. And here we can hear him straining under that heavy weight. He knew now that he was nowhere near good enough or strong enough to carry that load. He couldn’t do it. And if Paul couldn’t do it--and he who was about as zealous and religious as they come--guess what? You and I can’t do it either.
This is the “battle within” that Paul describes here. It is a battle raging within every Christian: our inability to do all that we know we should do, according to God’s law, and our corresponding tendency to do things we know we ought not to do. We keep falling into the ditch on either side: sins of commission, actively doing wrong things, and sins of omission, our failure to do the right things. This battle within, the conflict between the new man who wants to obey God and the Old Adam who serves only self--this battle, and the fact that it weighs upon our conscience--this too is the labor and the heavy burden that Jesus is talking about.
Do you feel it? Do you realize that you have not loved God as you ought? Do you realize that you have not loved your neighbor as you ought? That you have not kept God’s commandments in all your thoughts, words, and deeds? Do you realize that this law of God condemns you as a sinner and sentences you to death? And that there is no escape, no way out, nothing you can do to get out from under the crushing weight of the law that comes crashing down on your head? Paul’s question remains relevant today: “Who will deliver me from this body of death?”
Thank God, Paul knows the answer to his own question! He joyfully declares: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Yes, dear friends, it is through Jesus Christ our Lord that you are delivered, that the load is lifted, the burden removed. That’s why Jesus can say, “Come to me, and I will give you rest.”
Jesus Christ is the only one who can do this for you. He is the only one strong enough to carry the load that is the weight of the law. That’s what Jesus did. He lived the life we do not live. He kept God’s law perfectly, in our place. His love for God was total, his love for the neighbor complete. Nothing was left out or fell short of the mark.
Then Jesus did something more. The crushing weight of the law, the sentence it pronounces on sinners, the verdict it declares, “Death to all those who do not do all that is written therein”--the death sentence we deserve Jesus suffered in our stead. The sinless Son of God did the unthinkable--he died the death of sinners, hanging on a cross, suspended between heaven and earth, mocked by men and abandoned by God. That is a heavy load to bear, nothing heavier.
In ancient Greek mythology there was a fellow named Atlas. His job was to carry the world on his shoulders. Well, dear ones, Jesus is our real-life Atlas. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, he really does. The heavy, unbearable weight of the whole world’s sins. That is the load Christ carried to the cross. He lifts it off of your shoulders and puts it on his own.
Remember how Jesus entered Jerusalem on Palm Sunday: “Humble and mounted on a donkey.” A donkey is a beast of burden. For Jesus came into Jerusalem so that he himself would bear the burden of our sins by carrying them to the cross.
My friends, the weight of your sins has been lifted, the load has been removed. That heavy load is gone just as surely as the huge, heavy stone was rolled away on Easter morning. The heavy millstone of judgment, the enormous tombstone of death--these have been rolled away. Sin is forgiven, death is destroyed. Jesus lifts these burdens from you. And now he says to you, in warm, inviting tones: “Come to me, and I will give you rest.” Quit struggling on your own. Lay down your burdens at foot of the cross. See my nail-pierced hands. I have done the job for you. Now you are free.
In his book, “Pilgrim’s Progress,” John Bunyan tells the story of a Christian on a journey, carrying a large bundle on his shoulders. He arrives at a place somewhat elevated above the surrounding area. On that hill there stands a cross, and below the hill there is a grave. As the man comes to the top of the hill with his heavy burden, the load is suddenly released from his shoulders. It drops to the ground, rolls down the hill, and disappears into the empty grave. That is a picture of what Christ has done for us. We labor along, carrying a heavy load. The cross appears before our eyes. We lay our heavy load down there, and it is rolled away.
What a relief! What rest for our souls. As St. Augustine once prayed to God, “Thou hast formed us for thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in thee.” Here then is the rest you need. Jesus Christ is our Sabbath rest. He gives us rest and refreshment from our labors. “Our hearts are restless till they find their rest in thee.” And we find that rest in Christ.
The yoke of the law is a load too heavy to bear. Jesus bears it for you. But notice what he says: “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me. . . . For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” What? Is Jesus just giving us one yoke in place of another? No, not as though he were some new lawgiver. Rather, Jesus’ “yoke” is really an invitation to discipleship: “Come to me.” “Learn from me.” To take his yoke upon us is to be his disciples, to follow him in faith and receive rest and new life from him. Thus it is, paradoxically, an “easy yoke,” a “light burden.”
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Come to Jesus, and find the rest you need. Rest for the weary, those worn out by their sins and the effects of sin we labor under in this fallen world. Rest for the battle-weary, Christians who feel and are grieved by the internal battle within, as the new man has to contend with the sinful flesh. Rest from just all the burdens we feel--sadness and pain, sorrow and loss.
Jesus is speaking to you today: “Come to me, and I will give you rest.” Yes, come and lay your burdens down. Find true spiritual rest in Christ, both for this life and for the age to come. We have this rest now--peace with God and the forgiveness of sins. And we have the sure hope of eternal rest in the promised land of heaven. “Soon, soon to faithful warriors cometh rest; sweet is the calm of paradise the blest.” And that, my friends, is “the rest of the story.”
Monday, June 30, 2008
Affection
"Affection allows an appreciation of things we never thought possible, and creates a platform for the other loves. It unites the un-unitable!"
--Read C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
http://www.christianadvice.net/the_four_loves.htm
--Read C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
http://www.christianadvice.net/the_four_loves.htm
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Love...
The Beatles said " All You Need is Love" and Virgil said, "Love conquers all."
So, it seems as though one would have to believe that if all they need is love in their heart, then that love should be able to conquer all, right?
Just wondering...
See my previous post on "It's never too late for love." http://psychologicalpatriarchy.blogspot.com/2008/05/its-never-too-late-for-love.html
So, it seems as though one would have to believe that if all they need is love in their heart, then that love should be able to conquer all, right?
Just wondering...
See my previous post on "It's never too late for love." http://psychologicalpatriarchy.blogspot.com/2008/05/its-never-too-late-for-love.html
Monday, May 19, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies... Part IV
In order for a woman to feel secure in and happy about your relationship, she may require constant reassurance and expression of appreciation directed her way.
This is not a bad thing--just a very important thing we men tend to lose sight of.
There's nothing worse than feeling unappreciated or undervalued. This holds true for both men and women, but particularly for women as they tend to be the "givers" in the relationship.
So, Boys, avoid making everything about yourself; extend your life into their world and show interest and consideration. This is not to say there should be a score card in a relationship, but there should be an equal amount of give and take. The net result is a happy woman...and as we all know, there ain't nothin' sexier than that!
This is not a bad thing--just a very important thing we men tend to lose sight of.
There's nothing worse than feeling unappreciated or undervalued. This holds true for both men and women, but particularly for women as they tend to be the "givers" in the relationship.
So, Boys, avoid making everything about yourself; extend your life into their world and show interest and consideration. This is not to say there should be a score card in a relationship, but there should be an equal amount of give and take. The net result is a happy woman...and as we all know, there ain't nothin' sexier than that!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Set Me As a Seal Upon Your Heart
Set Me As a Seal Upon Your Heart (Song of Solomon)
Set me as a seal on your heart. Set me as a seal on your soul. For love is as strong as death, unyielding as the grave. Waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods drown it. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death.
Kiss me, my love, that your name be on my lips. You intoxicate my being with the fragrance of your presence. How beautiful you are, my darling. Show me your face, let me hear your voice. Sweet as the dew in the early morn, like a lily among the thorns.I looked for you, the one my heart loves. I looked for you, but did not find you. I searched through the night until I rested in your sight. Now, I will never let you go. You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey. My hands, they drip with myrrh.
Set me as a seal on your heart. Set me as a seal on your soul. For love is as strong as death, unyielding as the grave. Waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods drown it. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death.
Kiss me, my love, that your name be on my lips. You intoxicate my being with the fragrance of your presence. How beautiful you are, my darling. Show me your face, let me hear your voice. Sweet as the dew in the early morn, like a lily among the thorns.I looked for you, the one my heart loves. I looked for you, but did not find you. I searched through the night until I rested in your sight. Now, I will never let you go. You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey. My hands, they drip with myrrh.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
If I Can't Be Me, Who Should I be?
Who am I? It seems to me we all try to answer this question at some point in our lives--some sooner, others later.
Some people--including myself, often get caught-up in being, or presenting themselves in a manner or light that they assume people want them to be, or in a way they think people want to view them.
Trying to please; Trying to be seen as a good person; Trying to make the best impression possible on the masses--especially those we care about or hold dear.
Is this narcisism at work? If ultimately the goal of trying to portray oneself as an ideal person or a respectable individual to others is to make yourself feel good about who you are, to feel comfortable with your own person, aren't you then feeding your own ego?
I guess it is an unfortunate reality that by trying to present yourself in a positive light in other's eyes, you are actually ---ultimately being self serving.
The lesson?
Don't worry about what other people think of you. Don't focus on trying to portray yourself as a good or ideal person. Just be yourself. Be confident in who you are. You ARE a good person. Accept the fact that regardless of how you act, there are going to be people who dislike you for a variety of reasons--and "so be it" should be your position, because no one person can ever be appreciated or liked by everyone.
Don't feel like you have to be the perfect or ideal person. We all have faults, we all have our unique and sometimes controversial qualities. What we need to come to grips with as people is the fact that most good-hearted people are aware (even if we are not), that we aren't perfect. Most good-hearted people even appreciate us more for being open and admitting that we are fallable and imperfect, because they are too, and as a great friend of mine once told me, "Who wants to be around a perfect person so they can feel inadequate or below par in their presence? Noone. We want to feel like we are on an equal level of imperfection; fallability."
Understanding that is hard, but it is a good thing.
So, if you can't be you....why be?
Some people--including myself, often get caught-up in being, or presenting themselves in a manner or light that they assume people want them to be, or in a way they think people want to view them.
Trying to please; Trying to be seen as a good person; Trying to make the best impression possible on the masses--especially those we care about or hold dear.
Is this narcisism at work? If ultimately the goal of trying to portray oneself as an ideal person or a respectable individual to others is to make yourself feel good about who you are, to feel comfortable with your own person, aren't you then feeding your own ego?
I guess it is an unfortunate reality that by trying to present yourself in a positive light in other's eyes, you are actually ---ultimately being self serving.
The lesson?
Don't worry about what other people think of you. Don't focus on trying to portray yourself as a good or ideal person. Just be yourself. Be confident in who you are. You ARE a good person. Accept the fact that regardless of how you act, there are going to be people who dislike you for a variety of reasons--and "so be it" should be your position, because no one person can ever be appreciated or liked by everyone.
Don't feel like you have to be the perfect or ideal person. We all have faults, we all have our unique and sometimes controversial qualities. What we need to come to grips with as people is the fact that most good-hearted people are aware (even if we are not), that we aren't perfect. Most good-hearted people even appreciate us more for being open and admitting that we are fallable and imperfect, because they are too, and as a great friend of mine once told me, "Who wants to be around a perfect person so they can feel inadequate or below par in their presence? Noone. We want to feel like we are on an equal level of imperfection; fallability."
Understanding that is hard, but it is a good thing.
So, if you can't be you....why be?
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Best Saturday...EVER!!!
C'mon...this would be a fabulous Saturday ....
1) Wake-up at 8:00am
2) Realize that getting out of bed just isn't an option at this point.
3) Snuggle-in and snooze til 10:00am
4) SLOWLY get out of bed.
5) Take the puppy out for a jaunt in the yard
6) Put on some comfy clothes and take a stroll to the local coffee shop (with puppy in tow, of course).
7) Enjoy an apple fritter, maybe some yogurt, and couple cups of latte's whilst perusing the paper.
8) Off to Eastern Market or the like
9) Brunch with friends where plenty of fresh fruit will be consumed--and of course eggs benedict.
10) Off to the dog park for quality time with the pup.
11) Home to work in the garden
12) Off to MD to pick some berries
13) Home to throw a fresh apple crisp in the oven
14) Perhaps a brief late afternoon nap?
15) Then...a progressive dinner: Cocktails, apps, entreé, dessert, and then post dinner cockails--- all at different locations. (Specific dinner details of each to come), but definitely could include endive salad, a scrumptious lamb shank and perhaps even il flottant.
16) Home for fresh apple crisp and some milk while enjoying intimate conversation on the couch in front of a blazing fireplace.
17) Then pack-up, cuz it is off for a relaxing one-night getaway at the local Westin.
18) Snuggle up in a warm "Heavenly Bed" with the pup and a glass o' Pinot. (They're dog friendly!)
19) Nighty night...Sunday is just around the bend, and we start another spectacular leisurely day as we venture out and set-up our tent for a brief one day/night camping excursion before heading back to work---ugh!
Too much for one day you say? ---Naw...
1) Wake-up at 8:00am
2) Realize that getting out of bed just isn't an option at this point.
3) Snuggle-in and snooze til 10:00am
4) SLOWLY get out of bed.
5) Take the puppy out for a jaunt in the yard
6) Put on some comfy clothes and take a stroll to the local coffee shop (with puppy in tow, of course).
7) Enjoy an apple fritter, maybe some yogurt, and couple cups of latte's whilst perusing the paper.
8) Off to Eastern Market or the like
9) Brunch with friends where plenty of fresh fruit will be consumed--and of course eggs benedict.
10) Off to the dog park for quality time with the pup.
11) Home to work in the garden
12) Off to MD to pick some berries
13) Home to throw a fresh apple crisp in the oven
14) Perhaps a brief late afternoon nap?
15) Then...a progressive dinner: Cocktails, apps, entreé, dessert, and then post dinner cockails--- all at different locations. (Specific dinner details of each to come), but definitely could include endive salad, a scrumptious lamb shank and perhaps even il flottant.
16) Home for fresh apple crisp and some milk while enjoying intimate conversation on the couch in front of a blazing fireplace.
17) Then pack-up, cuz it is off for a relaxing one-night getaway at the local Westin.
18) Snuggle up in a warm "Heavenly Bed" with the pup and a glass o' Pinot. (They're dog friendly!)
19) Nighty night...Sunday is just around the bend, and we start another spectacular leisurely day as we venture out and set-up our tent for a brief one day/night camping excursion before heading back to work---ugh!
Too much for one day you say? ---Naw...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Daffodil Principle
I Recently received this as an e-mail forward and thought it was worth posting for others to read. Enjoy....
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
'Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!' My daughter smiled calmly and said, 'We drive in this all the time, Mother.' 'Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!' I assured her. 'But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks,' Carolyn said. 'I'll drive. I'm used to this.'
'Carolyn,' I said sternly, 'Please turn around.' 'It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.' After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, ' Daffodil Garden .' We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like i ts own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
'Who did this?' I asked Carolyn. 'Just one woman,' Carolyn answered. 'She lives on the property. That's her home.' Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. 'Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking', was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. '50,000 bulbs,' it read. The second answer was, 'One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.' The third answer was, 'Began in 1958.' For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world .
'It makes m e sad in a way,' I admitted to Carolyn. 'What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!' My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. 'Start tomorrow,' she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, 'How can I put this to use today?'
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting..... Until your car or home is paid off; Until you get a new car or home; Until your kids leave the house; Until you go back to school; Until you finish school; Until you clean the house; Until you organize the garage; Until you clean off your desk; Until you lose 10 lbs.; Until you gain 10 lbs.; Until you get married; Until you get a divorce; Until you have kids; Until the kids go to school; Until you retire; Until summer; Until spring; Until winter; Until fall; Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, 'Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.' I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead 'I will come next Tuesday', I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
'Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!' My daughter smiled calmly and said, 'We drive in this all the time, Mother.' 'Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!' I assured her. 'But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks,' Carolyn said. 'I'll drive. I'm used to this.'
'Carolyn,' I said sternly, 'Please turn around.' 'It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.' After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, ' Daffodil Garden .' We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like i ts own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
'Who did this?' I asked Carolyn. 'Just one woman,' Carolyn answered. 'She lives on the property. That's her home.' Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. 'Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking', was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. '50,000 bulbs,' it read. The second answer was, 'One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.' The third answer was, 'Began in 1958.' For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world .
'It makes m e sad in a way,' I admitted to Carolyn. 'What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!' My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. 'Start tomorrow,' she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, 'How can I put this to use today?'
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting..... Until your car or home is paid off; Until you get a new car or home; Until your kids leave the house; Until you go back to school; Until you finish school; Until you clean the house; Until you organize the garage; Until you clean off your desk; Until you lose 10 lbs.; Until you gain 10 lbs.; Until you get married; Until you get a divorce; Until you have kids; Until the kids go to school; Until you retire; Until summer; Until spring; Until winter; Until fall; Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
It's never too late for love...
Ancient Roman poet and author Virgil (70 BC - 19 BC) proclaimed that "Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love." While some may disagree that in fact love can conquer all, I am a romantic to the core and will always agree with this sentiment.
One might say "I love you, but I just can't continue in this relationship with you because it hurts too much..." or, "My heart is fighting with my brain. I just love you so much and my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me I should leave." So we are in a pickle. Do we listen to our minds--which we all know can play tricks on us, or do we follow our hearts--which ultimately make us feel alive? We want, we need, we must have love in our hearts to feel alive.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." --Erica Jong
This Jong quote is so true---SO TRUE! If one isn't willing to risk everything, sacrifice everything that makes them happy, and to fight for whatever it is they love, then I return to another quote by Virgil: "Each of us bears his own Hell."
According to every romantic in the world, dead or alive, including modern day singer Nora Jones, if you really love, and you want it bad enough, "It's never too late for love."
I leave you with a final thought: "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." --Henry Drummond
So, if we claim to love, yet are unable to completely surrender to it, perhaps our love isn't love afterall. Personally, I really want to live.
One might say "I love you, but I just can't continue in this relationship with you because it hurts too much..." or, "My heart is fighting with my brain. I just love you so much and my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me I should leave." So we are in a pickle. Do we listen to our minds--which we all know can play tricks on us, or do we follow our hearts--which ultimately make us feel alive? We want, we need, we must have love in our hearts to feel alive.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." --Erica Jong
This Jong quote is so true---SO TRUE! If one isn't willing to risk everything, sacrifice everything that makes them happy, and to fight for whatever it is they love, then I return to another quote by Virgil: "Each of us bears his own Hell."
According to every romantic in the world, dead or alive, including modern day singer Nora Jones, if you really love, and you want it bad enough, "It's never too late for love."
I leave you with a final thought: "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." --Henry Drummond
So, if we claim to love, yet are unable to completely surrender to it, perhaps our love isn't love afterall. Personally, I really want to live.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies... Part III
Women want to feel that they are loved and found attractive-and they want to hear it often.
They want to believe that even if they lose their looks, or gain weight, or change in their old age, that their man will always love them just the same.
Women want to feel secure that when they get older -and god forbid feel less appealing than they did when were young-that their man won't leave them for a younger more appealing version.
This is a genuine and certainly understandable feminine fear. While I wouldn't ever forsee that being possible in my case, I would say that men have similar fears. That they will lose their hair, that they will get a beer gut, that they will no longer feel the love and admiration their wives once held for them,and that those quirks and unique qualities they hold and which their women find endearing will become tiresome later, that somehow they lose the love and respect of their women, and that their women will fly the coupe when times get tough.
So I say, we are in like boats and share similar insecurities. But, if you both remember to show your love like today were the last day, and you do it consistently over the years, I can't forsee that those changes would ever affect your spouse's love and attraction to you. In fact, ideally it should make you even more appreciative endeared and attracted to them.
They want to believe that even if they lose their looks, or gain weight, or change in their old age, that their man will always love them just the same.
Women want to feel secure that when they get older -and god forbid feel less appealing than they did when were young-that their man won't leave them for a younger more appealing version.
This is a genuine and certainly understandable feminine fear. While I wouldn't ever forsee that being possible in my case, I would say that men have similar fears. That they will lose their hair, that they will get a beer gut, that they will no longer feel the love and admiration their wives once held for them,and that those quirks and unique qualities they hold and which their women find endearing will become tiresome later, that somehow they lose the love and respect of their women, and that their women will fly the coupe when times get tough.
So I say, we are in like boats and share similar insecurities. But, if you both remember to show your love like today were the last day, and you do it consistently over the years, I can't forsee that those changes would ever affect your spouse's love and attraction to you. In fact, ideally it should make you even more appreciative endeared and attracted to them.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies... Part II
Women like certainty. Do not be vague with them, uncertainty only causes confusion and thus frustration.
Do your best to be forward and clue them in to how you feel, honestly feel.
Also, this brings an old acronym to mind...DTR=define the relationship. Do not leave them wondering.
Do your best to be forward and clue them in to how you feel, honestly feel.
Also, this brings an old acronym to mind...DTR=define the relationship. Do not leave them wondering.
What's Love Got to Do With It?
Love: What's it's value?
Is everything we do to obtain it, maintain it, nurture it, and retain it worthwhile, or is it just a waste of effort considering its potential loss?
I say indeed it is. The ability to love, truly love someone completely and fully without condition is so powerful--and so rare. But the internal and emotional benefits...well, they cannot be measured. Hopefully we've all experienced the high that comes along with that type of connection at least once in our lives; some of us a few times---though I'm a little skeptical of the genuineness of those who claim to find it so frequently as I believe it is not that easy to come by. Those of us who have experienced it know just how lucky we are. So much so, that even if we've experienced it for even as little as a few weeks or months, that unique feeling will have us addicted to and searching to replicate that feeling endlessly.
Interestingly, some are so affected by its power after having achieved it, they give up. They value it so intensely, they actually lose interest in ever finding it in another person.
Love....
So valuable, so unbelievably intense and beneficial to the soul; yet potentially so destructive. So what's its true value...?
Is everything we do to obtain it, maintain it, nurture it, and retain it worthwhile, or is it just a waste of effort considering its potential loss?
I say indeed it is. The ability to love, truly love someone completely and fully without condition is so powerful--and so rare. But the internal and emotional benefits...well, they cannot be measured. Hopefully we've all experienced the high that comes along with that type of connection at least once in our lives; some of us a few times---though I'm a little skeptical of the genuineness of those who claim to find it so frequently as I believe it is not that easy to come by. Those of us who have experienced it know just how lucky we are. So much so, that even if we've experienced it for even as little as a few weeks or months, that unique feeling will have us addicted to and searching to replicate that feeling endlessly.
Interestingly, some are so affected by its power after having achieved it, they give up. They value it so intensely, they actually lose interest in ever finding it in another person.
Love....
So valuable, so unbelievably intense and beneficial to the soul; yet potentially so destructive. So what's its true value...?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
What a Girl Wants / What I've Learned About the Ladies....PART 1
Aside from everything else I've stated on this blog, I've learned a lot of late about what it takes to exist in and maintain a healthy relationship. This is due in part to the influence of many good women in my life. What makes a good woman you say? Devotion? Commitment? Loyalty? True understanding of her man? Passion? Individuality? Honesty? Integrity? Good character? Consistency? Conservative / Progressive ideology? Willingness to compromise?
The answer is yes. A little bit of all of them.
So, here's some of what I've learned about women and what I believe to be necessary in nurturing and maintaining a healthy relationship with them:
1) First and foremost, women want a "partner"; someone they can experience life with on an equal basis, but whom they can also rely on and feel protected by. They do not want a "father figure"or someone to lecture them about what they should be doing and how. They want to remain independent, but to also have a support system.
2) Woman have a tremendous need...to feel wanted, desired, appreciated, respected, and loved--and they should get that!
3) They need to hear their man tell them they are beautiful; to look at them as their queen; as the only woman that matters in their eyes.
4) They want to be heard--truly heard. They want their man to listen to them and their feelings/thoughts. They do not want a solution. They do not want a fix to their problem, they want an ear. They want understanding.
More to come from D-Llama...
Bellcanto responds...
Just a few thoughts...
A woman wants a little independence, yes…but all women don't want complete autonomy from their men. They do long for partnerships, but they also long to be his ezer-kenegdo - his helpmeet. We do want to be heard, it’s true…truly heard that is, not just a deaf ear that seems to be taking in what we say. But sometimes we do need our man to give us his opinion, view or estimation about something. Sometimes we just need his good sound judgment to help us see something clearly. So if a woman asks her man what he thinks, that means she really does want to know what he thinks. (The one caveat being in regard to a question about her appearance – and most men know not to touch that one!).
The answer is yes. A little bit of all of them.
So, here's some of what I've learned about women and what I believe to be necessary in nurturing and maintaining a healthy relationship with them:
1) First and foremost, women want a "partner"; someone they can experience life with on an equal basis, but whom they can also rely on and feel protected by. They do not want a "father figure"or someone to lecture them about what they should be doing and how. They want to remain independent, but to also have a support system.
2) Woman have a tremendous need...to feel wanted, desired, appreciated, respected, and loved--and they should get that!
3) They need to hear their man tell them they are beautiful; to look at them as their queen; as the only woman that matters in their eyes.
4) They want to be heard--truly heard. They want their man to listen to them and their feelings/thoughts. They do not want a solution. They do not want a fix to their problem, they want an ear. They want understanding.
More to come from D-Llama...
Bellcanto responds...
Just a few thoughts...
A woman wants a little independence, yes…but all women don't want complete autonomy from their men. They do long for partnerships, but they also long to be his ezer-kenegdo - his helpmeet. We do want to be heard, it’s true…truly heard that is, not just a deaf ear that seems to be taking in what we say. But sometimes we do need our man to give us his opinion, view or estimation about something. Sometimes we just need his good sound judgment to help us see something clearly. So if a woman asks her man what he thinks, that means she really does want to know what he thinks. (The one caveat being in regard to a question about her appearance – and most men know not to touch that one!).
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