D-Llama says...
To the contrary, I'm not a believer in your last sentence. ".... be encouraged, because at least your woman will always be able to understand your potential short comings in this area."
That's the whole issue at hand here...women don't understand...
Bellcanto said...
Absolutely, women must fulfill their role in a relationship of mutual communication. And women are typically seen as the better communicators – they are more naturally inclined and gifted in the area of relaying (especially emotional) information and they seem to have more of a need of it. But just because a woman’s a woman does not necessarily mean she’s an expert - or even an efficient - raconteur. Some of us have a little more difficulty in being forthcoming for a number of reasons. The foremost cause, in my view, is that this inability or self-consciousness is a learned trait, one that is passed on (usually) from a girl’s mother. Family therapist Terrence Real talks about this reality: “In intimacy, as in most other things, we tend to re-create what we know. … Partners almost always play out a template for relationships they first “learned” growing up. … Whenever a client is stuck in a dysfunctional quality – avoidance, disgust, fits of immaturity – I ask questions [like these]: Who did you see behave like this? Or, who did it to you? Or, who let you do it to them? … We ARE the relational matrix we grew up in – until we do the hard, deliberate work of transforming.” Transformation isn’t easy, but it’s necessary and very important. The stages someone has to go through to triumph over years of learned bad habits are many and varied. But it’s not impossible, and the relational abecedarian will be vastly helped and supported by a partner who is patient and understanding of the struggles he or she is dealing with. So men, be perseverant if you’re with such a woman who wants desperately to communicate effectively and candidly with you, but has an over-zealous ‘gate keeper.’ And be encouraged, because at least your woman will always be able to understand your potential short comings in this area. :)
D-Llama said...
HaHa...nice joke, Ms.Bellcanto! We all know-yes, even the most ignorant of us men- that communication is essential to growth in relationships, even when it's hard. Let us not forget though that it goes both ways. While men are traditionally scolded and identified as having issues with effective communication with their significant others, I think women too need to 1)fulfill their obligatory role in the communication gap, and 2) recognize that they need to work with their man and be understanding of their natural deficiencies and struggles in this realm.
So often, chicas place a huge burden on men to step-up and fill the gap, but it seems to me that we could go a long way towards healthier relationships if women committed themselves to the building of men's esteem and trust-allowing them to disregard their fears of opening up. If woman are such lockboxes when it comes to personal info, perhaps they should honor that perception and keep private things private. Comprende?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Absolutely, women must fulfill their role in a relationship of mutual communication. And women are typically seen as the better communicators – they are more naturally inclined and gifted in the area of relaying (especially emotional) information and they seem to have more of a need of it. But just because a woman’s a woman does not necessarily mean she’s an expert - or even an efficient - raconteur. Some of us have a little more difficulty in being forthcoming for a number of reasons. The foremost cause, in my view, is that this inability or self-consciousness is a learned trait, one that is passed on (usually) from a girl’s mother. Family therapist Terrence Real talks about this reality: “In intimacy, as in most other things, we tend to re-create what we know. … Partners almost always play out a template for relationships they first “learned” growing up. … Whenever a client is stuck in a dysfunctional quality – avoidance, disgust, fits of immaturity – I ask questions [like these]: Who did you see behave like this? Or, who did it to you? Or, who let you do it to them? … We ARE the relational matrix we grew up in – until we do the hard, deliberate work of transforming.” Transformation isn’t easy, but it’s necessary and very important. The stages someone has to go through to triumph over years of learned bad habits are many and varied. But it’s not impossible, and the relational abecedarian will be vastly helped and supported by a partner who is patient and understanding of the struggles he or she is dealing with. So men, be perseverant if you’re with such a woman who wants desperately to communicate effectively and candidly with you, but has an over-zealous ‘gate keeper.’ And be encouraged, because at least your woman will always be able to understand your potential short comings in this area. :)
Post a Comment