Believing in Trust

A mentor of mine (a lady who has been married for close to thirty years) once told me that the key to maintaining a strong connection and deep level of trust was to avoid keeping secrets from your partner. Don’t keep secrets from each other, she said, because once you begin holding on to information that may be uncomfortable or unpleasant, you begin a process of bad habits that could lead to deeper problems, such as infidelity, dishonesty, or just poor communication.

Some may say that telling everything may be potentially problematic. So this is probably better left being decided by the individual couple. But overall I think having flowing and honest communication goes very far in building a healthy level of trust.

The Dali G-Llama brought up the following: “We should all be trusting from the beginning, as we have no reason not to other than the past. But if we're trying to move forward in a new relationship, shouldn't we forget the past and start fresh with trust again? Isn't that fair-to both parties involved?”

Trusting a partner can be quite a steep mountain to climb if one has been hurt in the past or has a partner who’s done something to tear down that trust. But, as with most intangible and non-material, trust comes down to a matter of believing. Yes, the partner must do his or her part to be trust-worthy – through actions, words, commitment, in all behavior. But sometimes the once-hurt soul has trouble accepting the truth that their partner IS trustworthy. And when such is the case, I say that it simply comes down to faith. It takes faith to do anything in this life. But believing is better than the alternative – mistrust, uncertainty, worry, anxiousness – as if any of these would help prevent what is feared anyway. All of these only tear us down and our partner, who may be demoralized by the lack of faith shown in them. Being able to truly believe in someone’s fidelity and faithfulness is a beautiful thing, and when one does, that only strengthens the relationship all the more – consequently making the possibility of infidelity even less.

So while it may be hard to trust again after being hurt, it’s possible with the help and love of the right person. All I say is, be willing to LET them help you be whole once again. You’ve got nothing to lose.